Bart Simpson Quotes
(Bart and Lisa are playing Ping Pong.)
They hanged him for murder and buried him in an unmarked grave. When they came back the next day, the whole cemetery was missing!
Marge: Bart, honey, this is all we can afford for now. If it doesn't work, maybe when you're an adult you can pay some lady to make you happy for an hour.
Bart: Ya know, I'm pretty sure I will.
Lisa: What kind of lunch is this? A drawing of a sandwich.
Bart: All I got is Grandpa's medication.
Then I had this crazy dream that my family were all just cartoon characters and that our success led to some crazy propaganda network called Fox News.
(Bart tries to reject conversation with his therapist.)
Dr. Swanson: Well, I get paid whether you make progress or not. Why don't we just kill the time playing video games?
Bart: (Sarcastically) Yeah right. I bet you got a bunch of learning games. Why don't you go online and find a boyfriend, while I take a nap?
(Bart turns over and lies down on the couch.)
Dr Swanson: Actually, I just got "Death Kill City II: Death Kill Stories!"
Bart: Whoa! You've got DKCIIDKS?! That one's rated bad for everyone!
Bart: Years ago, Stanley DeGroot was a cook here at school. All the kids made fun of him because he never graduated from college.
Kids: Stanley, Stanley, no degree! Two credits short at MIT!
(Bart and Lisa ride dolphins)
Bart: Mine has a cup holder!
Lisa: That's a blowhole!
Bart: You're a blowhole!
Darcy: You look kind of young.
Bart: Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
Minister: So how many brides are you marrying today, Mr. Simpson?
Bart: Just one.
Minister: (scoffs) What are you, gay?
Darcy: I'm very religious that way.
Bart: How religious can you be if you're pregnant.
(Darcy slaps Bart)
Bart: Good answer.
Homer: Son, one day you're going to be a great father.
Bart: Aww, and someday you'll be one too.
Homer: Thanks boy, heh heh heh heh heh.