Look what they did to Peebo! He’s wearing a hat made of penises!

Ben: We can just sit back and take it easy.
Leslie: No, we’re going to lean forward and take it hard.

When you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die!

I have been tense lately. Just thinking about the new star wars sequel. I’m worried they’ll rely too heavily on CGI and I’m carrying it all in my shoulders.

Chard bodies. Let’s get a chard on?

Ben: Today is Leslie’s last day as a counselor, so everyone needs to be extra supportive.
Ron: Already done. When I walked past her this morning, I gave her a kind nod.

Remember when last year no one got flu shots because there was a rumor they’d turn you European?

Once she starts thinking about birthday cake, she becomes useless until she has birthday cake.

Ben: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to have a weapon at work.
Ron: Literally, everything is a weapon. That folder in my hands is far deadlier than this bow in yours.

Ingrid: We purchased HBO for the entire town.
Ben: You spent government money on a TV subscription?
Ingrid: It's not TV.

Well, Jerry was never the type to rise above mediocrity. Or to it.

Tom: Pop quiz. Name the scent.
Ben: Umm Spasm. No, Butterface!