Berta Quotes (Page 14)
Season 2, Episode 10: "The Salmon Under My Sweater"
Berta: So you want to know what goes on underneath this rough exterior. Whether somewhere inside me there is a tiny little girl that wanted to be a famous ballerina.
Alan: Is there?
Berta: If there is, it is because I accidentally ate her and I haven't passed her yet. I'm telling you, I'm dreading that tiara
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 9: "Yes, Monsignor"
Charlie: So what do you think?
Berta: About what?
Charlie: Lisa, me, the kid.
Berta: Ok, let's see now... This is the same women you've broken up and gotten back together with for years, right?
Charlie: Right.
Berta: And she turned you down in order to marry somebody else?
Charlie: Yes.
Berta: And then the marriage fell apart and now she got his baby?
Charlie: Ya.
Berta: Sounds perfect. Go for it!
• Rating: Unrated
Berta: Just out of curiosity, what the hell happened in your brother's bathroom?
Alan: Nothing.
Jake: Dad was wrestling on the floor with a naked lady.
Berta: The quiet ones are always the freaks
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 8: "Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers"
Berta: I guess if they can put a man on the moon, they can put a woman on your brother. Who's the girl?
Charlie: I don't know. He met her at the supermarket. Helped her pick out corn.
Berta: Corn? Well, I'm not in any position to judge. I once did a guy for a tank of gas
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Season 2, Episode 7: "A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana"
Daisy: I'm staying at a motel tonight.
Berta: Good idea, maybe you'll meet your next husband on the walk there
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 5: "Bad News from the Clinic"
Berta: There you go, Elvis, peanut butter and bananas.
Jake: My mom cuts it diagonally.
Berta: Yeah? Well, that's the way I learned to cut it in prison.
Jake: Thank you?
• Rating: Unrated
Berta: Alan? I got a riddle for you: What's short, sticky, picky, and only supposed to be here on weekends? I'll give you a hint: It's your kid
• Rating: Unrated
Season 1, Episode 24: "Can You Feel My Finger?"
Berta: Charlie, you got somebody in there?
Charlie: Uh, no.
Berta: I need to get your towels.
Charlie: Uh, I really wish you wouldn't.
Berta: Come on, I'm doing laundry. I want to finish a load before I go.
Charlie: Yeah, well, me too.
Berta: What?
Charlie: Never mind. Just go away!
Berta: All right. If it helps, you can think of me.
• Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Season 1, Episode 20: "Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark"
Berta: Please, if my kids were going to bed at seven, I'd dip myself in gravy and danced naked on the rooftop.
Charlie: She does make a hell of a gravy
• Rating: Unrated
Berta: Did you check to see if he's constipated?
Alan: Berta, his mother and I are going thorough a divorce and there's a lot of emotions he hasn't processed.
Berta: Maybe so, but there's also a lot of sting cheese he hasn't processed
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 151