Scrubs

Bob Kelso Quotes (Page 11)

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, I have kept my mouth shut about all the recent sexual harassment complaints because I don't think it's fair to punish a man for making small talk...or, say, asking his secretary just once to dress up as a geisha girl and call him Kelso-san...
J.D.: What?
Dr. Kelso: Nothing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: You're gonna love it here, sport.
Ted: Get out while you still can.
Keith: Uh...
Ted: Seriously, get out while you still can.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Dorian, after four years, I can only hope you are no longer following in his footsteps.
J.D.: I turned in my paperwork already, but I'm gonna wait till tomorrow to turn in my urine sample out of respect to the fellas in the lab... There's an asparagus issue.
Dr. Kelso: Now there's an answer that warrants a half-sincere pat on the shoulder.
J.D.: Thanks, Dr. Kelso! You know, he said "half-sincere" but I'm pretty sure it was full-sincere. Feel my shoulder - it's still warm.
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: But now I need to know: Is this the type of attending you're going to be?
J.D.: I guess so.
Dr. Kelso: Anything else?
J.D.'s Narration: I could tell him there's nothing in my cup and I'm just pretending to drink to seem nonchalant...
J.D.: No.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Well, at least there's one attending around here I can count on.
Elliot: Ah, the hell with it, Bob. I don't work here! Have a good one!
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place
Dr. Cox: And it hates you, Bob.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: You see, the woman is everywhere! She's there when I work out in the morning, when I work out in the car on the way to work, and when I work out when I get to work. I can't seem to get away from her, and that used to be fine when she just came round for five minutes every month or so to fed on my dignity, but now! I'd honestly kill myself Bob, if I wasn't convinced that Jordan wouldn't already be there, waiting for me in the afterlife! You see, typical of her, she went ahead and signed us up for an eternal tandem bike ride, all along the banks of the river Styx!
Dr. Kelso: I'm so glad you shared.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Cox: Whoa! Bob Kelso here before noon? They're either giving away free doughnuts at the caf, or there's an Asian prostitute convention in the I.C.U.!
Dr. Kelso: Is now the time I'm supposed to be embarrassed because I like fine food and Korean call girls? Write this down, Perry: I'm old and I honestly don't care what people think about anything I do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: No, I'm here because the budget's a mess. Ted's not making much headway.
Ted: Three-twelve times four-eighty-one equals... Sir, it's not giving me the answer!
Dr. Kelso: It's a typewriter, you jackass!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Welcome aboard! This will be your office for the next few days! Ted, find someplace else to work.
Ted: Aw, man! Not again!
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!