Scrubs

Bob Kelso Quotes (Page 45)

Dr. Kelso: Hey, sport. Or should I say, howdy, Mr. Pouty.
J.D.: Sorry, sir, it's been a rough day.
Dr. Kelso: So I hear. Well, anyway, I'm very proud of you, Dr... uhmmmmmm...
J.D.'s Narration: Just look at my badge!
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk!
J.D.: Oh, no, this-this is my roommate's badge, sir; we must have switched this morning
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Well, sport, it looks like a permanent spot just opened up on the golf course. How does joining the Chief of Medicine for a weekly round sound?
J.D.: Actually, sir, I'm not really that in to golf.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I guess that's your choice, isn't it... Dr. Dorian.
J.D.'s Narration: I think I liked it better when he didn't know my name
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Gosh, sport, I sure hope you're not using that phone to make a personal call.
Turk: No. Actually that was David Morrison's father. He's a patient of mine. Dave's a good kid.
Dr. Kelso: Well he sound's teriffic. You two becoming best pals?
Turk: Yeah.
Dr. Kelso: Well you know what we should do? The three of us should play a game of stick ball. Sure, all we need is a stick and a ball and a pocket full of dreams. Or we could take turns bowling your patient down the hallways of my hospital
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Dr. Kelso...hi. I wanted to get your opinion about a patient. She's uh...a seventy-four-year-old renal failure, Mrs. Tanner.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, of course! One of our frequent fliers - she's a neat lady.
J.D.: That's what I said!
Dr. Kelso: Nobody likes a brown-nose, son
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: It's that, it's the sweetheart thing. It just doesn't hit me right. I'm a doctor, and it seems sort of...disrespectful.
Dr. Kelso: Oh? I've always called the young men "sport" and the young women "sweetheart".
Elliot: But, you called Becky "sport".
Dr. Kelso: Oh...well, I am so sorry...sport. It must be one of those bad habits I've developed after working in the medical field for over thirty years.
Elliot: Th-thirty years? But... you look so young!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Oh, uh, Dr. Reid. I just wanted to say you're out of my dog house. That was a great catch on that patient with meningoccocus.
Elliot: Well, that actually wasn't me, sir. Carla noticed the rash on his legs.
Dr. Kelso: Well, that's fascinating. You could have fallen back into my good graces, and instead you passed the credit on to a nurse. How noble! I'll tell you what, I'll get the cafeteria staff to write "Was it worth it?" on a big cake for you!
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Uh, Dr. Kelso! You're the Chief of Medicine, is there a special way to communicate with the nursing staff that I'm not getting?
Dr. Kelso: Well, uh, sugar won't work because they're already so sweet. Now, listen Dr...Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is, you tattled yesterday, I responded - I feel closer to you than ever, really - but the ramifications are yours. So don't try to drag me into your pathetic, whiny, little squabble with that God-awful bunch of malcontents. I hope you all kill each other! Have a great day, ladies
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: The necrosis and infected stool most likely indicate what, Dr... Dorian?
[J.D. looks to Elliot for help]
Elliot [whispers]: I don't know
J.D.: Sir, I have no idea.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, can you help him out?
Elliot: I'd say it's superior mesenteric insufficiency
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Okay... Uh, did you ask the Bursky family for permission to do an autopsy?
J.D.: They're still in there with him, sir.
Dr. Kelso: It's a teaching hospital, son, you gotta ask.
J.D.'s Narration: Just tell him you can't see Mr. Bursky again. He'll understand.
J.D.: Sir, do you-do you think I could skip just this one?
Dr. Kelso: Why, sure, sport.
J.D.'s Narration: See? Every story needs a good guy.
Dr. Kelso: In fact, why don't you just head on home. You look kinda tired.
J.D.: I am pretty tired!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, do you not realize that you're nothing but a large pair of scrubs to me? For God's sake, the only reason I carry this chart around is so I can pretend to remember your damn names!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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