My love of rational business plans is clashing with my love of clandestine love affairs.

He's not lying, he once ladybugs'd himself into a jr high girls soccer tournament, bet against the team and threw the game.

Winter is coming.

Alex and Jane tried being honest with each other like 20 years ago. The fight lasted for weeks. The family calls it, "the incident."

Jane: You use your special skill to save the gym!
Brad: Wait how am supposed to give fourteen consecutive orgasms to a brick building.

Dave: I think our wedding was pretty spectacular.
Brad: Yeah the only thing missing was a bride that stayed for the duration of the reception.

Max put stripper glitter in my two favorite things, my lotions and my creams.

Call me Melanie Griffith because I'm gonna be Workin Girllll.

Oh it was real physical. REAL physical. I'm talking about sex physical. Sock off sex. So hot

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