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Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!

Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!

Bree: I think you'd love the opera. The music and the voices, it's just all so passionate.
Peter: Yeah, three hundred-pound soprano seducing balding tenors. That'd be hot!

Andrew: Well could you live with a woman who hits you.
Elenor: Bree!
Bree: I slapped him once and he deserved it!
Andrew: I just asked her to stop drinking.
Grandpa: (to Bree) You were drinking?
Elenor: She's in AA. Her sponsor has long hair.
Bree: Andrew, I find your concern ironic giving how tanked you were when you ran over our neighbours mother with your car.
Elenor: Is she OK?
Bree: She's dead.
Andrew: Well, mom watched as her boyfriend commited suicide. And he was the same guy who killed dad.
Bree: Andrew falsely accused me of mollestation ... in a mall!
Grandpa: You know the technique works better if you don't talk right away.

Those were some kick a** peanut butter cookies!

Lynette: That's not why you came to apologize is it?
Bree: What do you mean?
Lynette: To soften me up for the deposition...

Peter: What are you doing?
Bree: I'm just giving you a little kiss.
Peter: Why?
Bree: Well, it's just my way of saying "thank you" for everything you've done for me in the last few weeks.

Bree: Peter... But... You forgot your shirt!
Peter: (in a rush) Keep it!

Bree: Peter. Hi, it's Bree.
Peter: Hey, Bree. You know, um, if you feel like you're gonna need a drink, you should call Donna.
Bree: No! No, I, I don't feel like I'm gonna drink. And if I did, I certainly would call Donna. I mean, she and I are just, we're just really clicking.
Peter: Oh, that's good. So why are you calling?
Bree: I know it's really late notice, but a friend of mine, uh, got engaged and she's throwing a party, and I thought, um, maybe you'd like to come.
Peter: Bree...
Bree: Well, you're not my sponsor anymore, so I assume this is allowable. I mean, it's just a casual get-together. And they're having sushi. You do like sushi, don't you?
Peter: Bree...
Bree: Okay, Peter, I just really need us to be friends. When I'm with you, I'm not myself, which is a good thing. I can, I can relax when I'm with you in a way that I can't when I'm with other people. With them, I have to pretend that I have it all together but, you know that I don't, so it's just so much easier. Come on, it's just a, it's just a dumb old party.
Peter: Bree, do not call me again.

Donna: Now come on!
Bree: Come on?! Where are we going?!
Donna: Hiking! There is nothing like it to take your mind off booze!

Peter: I have this rule - plant, pet, person. If I can keep a plant alive, then I can move on to a pet, and if I can make that work, then I can start dating again.
Bree: (laughs)So how are you doing?
Peter: I'm on my fourth ficus.

Hi. Um, I need some advice from a professional. I'd like to get stinking drunk. Do you have anything that can accomplish that in a hurry?

<i>At a bar, Bree walks in and up to the bartender</i> Bree
Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 226 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
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