Susan: Hey, what's going on?
Mary Alice: Oh, um, this is our new neighbor. It seems her son accidentally took my garden frog.
Susan: Oh.
Bree: Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. Rex!

Bree: Hello. I'm Bree Van de Kamp, your new neighbor. Is this your frog?
Mary Alice: Yes. Why?
Bree: Well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard.
Mary Alice: Oh, well, I don't mind. If he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it.
Bree: Well, don't tell him that. If he doesn't feel guilty he'll never learn shame.

Sally: Boy, do I feel for you. Trying to convince your friends that you're still normal, and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons.
Bree: You, too?
Sally: Oh, please. Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath. I think he's crazier than the patients, actually.
Bree: You know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? What's her story?
Sally: Yeah, she's a kooky one. She hasn't spoken a word since she got here. She just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit. He talks to her for hours, but I don't even think she can hear him.

Bree: What are you doing here?
Orson: Well, three or four times a week, I visit my--my friend. What about you?
Bree: Oh, I just thought it would be a lovely place to take a nice, long rest.
Orson: Oh.
Bree: Um, listen, I told my friends that I was, um, I was at a spa, so if you run into Susan, I...
Orson: Your secret is safe.
Bree: And seriously... (lowers voice) I am not like these other people.
Orson: Oh, I can tell. A real lady always stands out in a crowd.
Bree: Well, that was... very sweet.
Orson: Enjoy your rest, Bree Van de Kamp.

Orson: Bree?
Bree: What?
Orson: You're Bree Van de Kamp, right?
Bree: Do I know you?
Orson: Orson Hodge. Uh, Susan's dentist friend. We met after her house burned down.
Bree: Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you.
Orson: Small world, huh?
Bree: Yes. Uh, excruciatingly so.

Dr. Barr: You must find that very peaceful.
Bree: Why would you assume that?
Dr. Barr: Because that's all you've been doing for three sessions. I still don't know anything about you, except that you rake in remarkably straight lines.
Bree: Is that what you're doing, asking me all those ridiculous questions about my childhood, trying to get to know me? Well, here's a clue. I'm not crazy. I just have a few issues.
Dr. Barr: And psychotherapy is how we help you deal with those issues. What kind of treatment did you think you were going to get?
Bree: Honestly, I was hoping that you'd medicate the hell out of me.
Dr. Barr: You don't need anything stronger than what I've already prescribed for you.

Dr. Barr:You know, Bree, I can't force you to open up to me, but I can make it easier for you to focus on your problems.
Bree:And how are you going to do that?
Dr. Barr:I'm going to tell the orderlies to confiscate all your personal items.
Bree:I committed myself voluntarily.
Dr. Barr:When you signed those papers I became responsible for your well-being, and I will help you
in any way I see fit.
Bree:I don't need that much help, because I am not like your other patients.
Dr. Barr:Oh, sure, you are. You just don't know it yet.

Dr. Barr: It says here your husband died, you had a boyfriend who killed himself, and you suffer from alcoholism. That's a lot of trauma for one year. What about your kids?
Bree: Oh, they're fine. Andrew is backpacking through Europe, and Danielle is away at cheerleading camp.
Dr. Barr: What's your relationship with them like?
Bree: What do you mean?
Dr. Barr: Are you close? Do they share things with you?
What do you feel about them?
Bree: You know, I really don't have time for this nonsense. Are you going to give me some serious drugs or not?
Dr. Barr: No.
Bree: Fine. Then I'm going back to my room.

Rex: Feel free to be harsh.
Mary Alice: Um, No, I'm... I'm good.
Bree: Well, now that we've finished with all this unpleasantness, I want to assure you that we are going to be good neighbors, and I hope in time, great friends.
Mary Alice: That sounds... lovely.
Bree: (to Andrew) Come on.
Mary Alice: Oh, wait. I'm--I'm sorry. It was Rex, Andrew and... what was your name again?

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