Bree: Chuck and I went to the cellar to choose a wine, and when we were done, my entrée was smoking.
Mrs. McCluskey: I bet it was.

Bree: I'm not sure these clothes are quite the thing for a dinner party.
Renee: Dinner? I wouldn't wear them to a drive-by shooting.

Bree: Gaby, if you're really serious, I will set you up with a class at my gun range. They'll teach you about gun safety. You will get a permit. And then, we'll see about you getting a gun.

Gaby: Great! So, in the meantime, if skulking guy breaks into my house, I'm just going to yell, "Freeze! I'm taking a class!"

Bree: Gaby, I'm not giving you a gun.
Gaby: Why not? I let you borrow things all the time.

Chuck: I'm sure you want to avoid another mistake like your second husband, the hit-and-run driver. Orson, was it?
Bree: What?
Chuck: Tell me who was creepier... him or the pharmacist who killed himself while you were dating?

You found something bad? Is he a dirty cop...or a Democrat?

Renee: I never date a guy until I've done a complete background check.
Bree: Maybe I'll just Google him.
Renee: Amateur.

Gaby: Girls, no running.
Bree: Is that all you're going to do?
Gaby: Of course not. Next time, I'll trip one of them.

Bree: There were two dozen cookies on that plate.
Gaby: Yeah, you can't leave food out. They're like bears - you've gonna have to to tie it up in a tree.

Susan: Look at me! I should buy a lottery ticket right now.
Bree: Yes, you should. Then, you should "eat it!"

Bree: Who is this victim number one?
Andrew: Mr. Solis - After all, I sort of did kill his mom.

Bree: A woman felt desperate and alone and killed herself because nobody cared enough to help her, and the thing is - I was there. I saw that something was wrong, and I walked away and I am never going to let myself do that again and certainly not with you.
Andrew: Alex left me. I guess he just got sick of living with a drunk. What did I do? I wrecked my marriage.
Bree: Look, it's going to get better. I promise you it's going to get better. But for that to start, you need to go to a meeting.
Andrew: I can't get up in front of a bunch of strangers and talk about this.
Bree: Then, we can have a meeting right here. Just the two of us - what do you say?

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 226 in total
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