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Bree: It's six o'clock. How long have you been kneeling there?
Keith: I don't know, but after you answer this, I'm gonna need you to help me up.

Keith's mother: I promise to be on my best behavior.
Bree: I know you will. Because, as Keith told you, I have guns.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the kitchen to ask if I can stand in their walk-in freezer.

Do you wanna talk about my perfect lawn? Nine years ago, my son found me face down drunk on it. It's true! He had to turn the sprinklers on to wake me up. Did you not know you're dating the biggest lush in Fairview?

Bree: I'll come if I can bring Keith.
Renee: I guess one child would be okay.

I better figure out a way to slow him down before this John Wayne walk becomes permanent.

Let's see. I'm getting a divorce, I lost my business, and I'm sitting here trying to remember why I quit drinking. I've had better Mondays.

You can never go wrong with a genuine compliment.

Bree: So we're back to being friends?
Susan: We never really stopped.

(to Orson) I am not sleeping in a bed that had your dead mistress' teeth in it!

Gloria: Hey Bree, may I come in?
Bree: What's a garden without a snake?

Bree: (to Gloria) Are those shoes suede?
Gloria: Yes, why?
Bree: (sprays Gloria's shoes with the garden hose) No reason.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 226 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
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