Gabrielle: Susan. We've all been talking. We've decided that you and Julie should stay with Bree.
Susan: Oh, thanks, but that's okay. We'll stay in a motel.
Bree: Absolutely not. Just give me an hour or two to straighten up Andrew's room and then you can bring yourselves over.
Susan: I don't deserve friends like you.
Lynette: We're aware of that.

Bree: Surprise!
Danielle: What the hell is that?
Bree: Isn't it darling? I made it for your party. It's a big one and a big seven, for seventeen!
Danielle: Were you up all night making that thing?
Bree: Yeah, I just wasn't tired. Oh, I want to show you what else I planned. I think you're gonna love it.

Bree: I think it's going to be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us. It'll be like living in a sorority. We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Danielle: Why are you pretending to be happy? I heard you walking around your room all night long. Crying.
Bree: I don't want to talk about it.

Bree: Hello. My name is Bree Van de Kamp and I'd like to admit myself for psychiatric observation.
Receptionist: All right, what seems to be the problem?
Bree: I think I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

Bree: You know what? Maybe Andrew leaving will be good for us. You are all I have left and I am going to be the best mother that I can be.
Danielle: There's definitely room for improvement.

Andrew: You're going to leave me here, out in the middle of nowhere?
Bree: I saw a bus stop about a mile back. You can go anywhere you want.
Andrew: Momma... Mom, please don't do this.
Bree: I have to. I can't be around you anymore, I'm just not strong enough.
Andrew: You know what the good news is? I win. (he starts to cry) I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay, I knew that one day you would stop loving me. So. Here we are. I was right. I win.
Bree: Well, good for you.

Xiao-Mei: I can't go home. My uncle will sell me again.
Gabrielle: Oh no, no Xiao-Mei, you're not going anywhere. You're much too important to Carlos and me. We're gonna fight this and we're gonna win!
Bree: Gaby, you can't promise her that!
Gabrielle: Bree, you heard what she said. I can't let this poor kid go back to China and become someone's slave!
Xiao-Mei: Thank you.
Gabrielle: All right, look my friends want to take some of this to go, so pack it up and we're a little low on coffee.

Bree: Honey, you've got to eat something.
Gabrielle: Don't have an appetite. In fact, this is all going to go to waste. You guys should take something.
Lynette: No, no, you should keep it.
Edie: I'll take a couple. (All the ladies stare at her) What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. Food fills the void.

Bree: Andrew, I'm having Peter over for dinner and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin?
Andrew: Yeah, thanks. I'll call him tonight.
Danielle: Since you to are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?
Bree: Out of the question!
Danielle: So let me get this straight. You can date a lech and he can bring over his gay lover but God forbid I date a hot black guy...

Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!

Edie: (to Susan) You know, when Karl dumped you I thought that it was all your fault, I figured that you were nag or bad in bed but, now I see that you were just a victim too, we have a bond Susan, It's like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one!
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe!

Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 226 in total

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice
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