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Gabrielle: Susan. We've all been talking. We've decided that you and Julie should stay with Bree.
Susan: Oh, thanks, but that's okay. We'll stay in a motel.
Bree: Absolutely not. Just give me an hour or two to straighten up Andrew's room and then you can bring yourselves over.
Susan: I don't deserve friends like you.
Lynette: We're aware of that.

Bree: Surprise!
Danielle: What the hell is that?
Bree: Isn't it darling? I made it for your party. It's a big one and a big seven, for seventeen!
Danielle: Were you up all night making that thing?
Bree: Yeah, I just wasn't tired. Oh, I want to show you what else I planned. I think you're gonna love it.

Bree: I think it's going to be a kick having Susan and Julie stay with us. It'll be like living in a sorority. We'll stay up late and we'll gossip and make s'mores. Doesn't that sound like fun?"
Danielle: Why are you pretending to be happy? I heard you walking around your room all night long. Crying.
Bree: I don't want to talk about it.

Bree: Hello. My name is Bree Van de Kamp and I'd like to admit myself for psychiatric observation.
Receptionist: All right, what seems to be the problem?
Bree: I think I'm about to have a nervous breakdown.

Bree: You know what? Maybe Andrew leaving will be good for us. You are all I have left and I am going to be the best mother that I can be.
Danielle: There's definitely room for improvement.

Andrew: You're going to leave me here, out in the middle of nowhere?
Bree: I saw a bus stop about a mile back. You can go anywhere you want.
Andrew: Momma... Mom, please don't do this.
Bree: I have to. I can't be around you anymore, I'm just not strong enough.
Andrew: You know what the good news is? I win. (he starts to cry) I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay, I knew that one day you would stop loving me. So. Here we are. I was right. I win.
Bree: Well, good for you.

Xiao-Mei: I can't go home. My uncle will sell me again.
Gabrielle: Oh no, no Xiao-Mei, you're not going anywhere. You're much too important to Carlos and me. We're gonna fight this and we're gonna win!
Bree: Gaby, you can't promise her that!
Gabrielle: Bree, you heard what she said. I can't let this poor kid go back to China and become someone's slave!
Xiao-Mei: Thank you.
Gabrielle: All right, look my friends want to take some of this to go, so pack it up and we're a little low on coffee.

Bree: Honey, you've got to eat something.
Gabrielle: Don't have an appetite. In fact, this is all going to go to waste. You guys should take something.
Lynette: No, no, you should keep it.
Edie: I'll take a couple. (All the ladies stare at her) What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. Food fills the void.

Bree: Andrew, I'm having Peter over for dinner and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin?
Andrew: Yeah, thanks. I'll call him tonight.
Danielle: Since you to are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?
Bree: Out of the question!
Danielle: So let me get this straight. You can date a lech and he can bring over his gay lover but God forbid I date a hot black guy...

Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!

Edie: (to Susan) You know, when Karl dumped you I thought that it was all your fault, I figured that you were nag or bad in bed but, now I see that you were just a victim too, we have a bond Susan, It's like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one!
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe!

Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!

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