Flight of the Conchords

Bret Quotes

Landlord: I'm going to give you a month to pay me
Bret: Can we pick which month?
Landlord: No
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bret: She works down at the cheap zoo
Jermaine: The pet store?
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Jemaine: Bret. Have you seen Keitha?
Bret: She robbed us! Her and her friends jumped me, and taped me to the door.
Jemaine: Did she mention me at all?
Bret: No. Sorry man.
Jemaine: I'm not sure about her and me
 • Rating: Unrated

Bret: Did you use protection?
Jemaine: Yes, but only on my penis
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Murray: Okay, band meeting. Ahh well, Jemaine?
Jemaine: Present.
Murray: Who else we got here? Bret?
Bret: Yep.
Murray: And who else? Mur.. Ray... Oh. Greg's written this, he's put the R's too far apart. It's Murray.. Murray present
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Bret: Okay, Dave, do you have any special skills?
Dave: I can make a weapon out of pretty much anything. Like when I'm gardening, some a-hole tries to sneak up and take me out - watering can tied to a hose. (whipping noises) Cops show up, "What's that, officer? Just watering the geroniums."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jemaine: Bret dissed alot of people in that rap thing that he did.
Murray: Who were these people you were dissing? The only one I could make out was Snoopy! What's your problem with him?
Bret: No, Snoop Dogg.
Murray: Yeah, I know he's a dog, Bret. I'm not totally in the dark ages. I do go out every once in a while. But, Snoopy's lovable! Leave him alone
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Murray: Okay guys, notes on yesterday's gig. We got several complaints about the noise. You gotta remember this is in a library. Bear that in mind.
Bret: Yeah, but it's so hard to play there 'cause everyone wants us to be quiet.
Jemaine: They keep shushing us.
Murray: They're trying to read!
Bret: We may as well not be there if we're not gonna make any sound.
Murray: Well, you can make sound, just make it so people can't hear you
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jemaine: It's dark, Bret.
Bret: Yeah, I know.
Jemaine: What expression is on your face?
Bret: Umm. Guilty expression. What expression is on your face?
Jemaine: Sad because we don't have any electricity, but satisfied because I was right about the cup.
Bret: That's a weird expression
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bret: Jemaine, I don't think we're going to get sex and get paid.
Jemaine: Why not?
Bret: 'Cause we never get sex or get paid.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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