Brian Griffin Quotes
Brian: Alright so we roll the dice and then we both have to yell Yahtzee really loud.
Stewie: At the same time?
Brian: Yeah and you have to flap your wrists like this. (Flapping his hands in the air.)
Stewie: And you'll do it to?
Brian: Of course, that's how it's done.
Brian: Alright, ready?
Stewie: Okay, you going to do it with me?
Brian: Oh yeah.
Stewie: (After Brian throws the dice, screams and flaps his hands.) Yahtzee!
Stewie: You suck!
- Permalink: Alright so we roll the dice and then we both have to yell Yahtze...
(Brian is sitting on the toilet)
Lois: Well, look at you using the toilet. I am so proud of you.
Brian: Hey, well you deserve all the praise for encouraging me to do it.
Lois: Well still, good for you.
(Lois leaves, and Stewie enters)
Stewie: So, where are you really doin' your business?
Brian: Oh, I found a place.
(Scene cuts to Adam West's mansion, he walks near some bushes
Adam West: Well I'll be damned, and they called me crazy; "You can't plant sausage seeds" they said, well look at this!
- Permalink: Well, look at you using the toilet. I am so proud of you. Hey,...
(Brian and Stewie are in the bathroom, staring at the toilet)
Brian: How do you think it works?
Stewie: I have no idea.
Brian: Look, Lois told me I had to start using the toilet, and you're the one who's had potty-training, so I'm counting on you to help me.
Stewie: Alright, we're two intelligent guys, we can figure this out.
(they walk toward the toilet)
Brian: What's that big back part?
Stewie: (nervously) Maybe that's where the wizard lives who operates this thing. It would be wise not to anger him.
Brian: (reaching for the flush handle) I wonder what this thing is for.
Stewie: Brian! Be careful with that, we don't know what it does.
Brian: (sighs) Alright, here goes.
Stewie: Oh god, oh god, careful, careful, careful, careful!
(Brian flushes the toilet, they both run out of the bathroom, Stewie yelling and Brian barking)
- Permalink: How do you think it works? I have no idea. Look, Lois told m...
Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!
- Permalink: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A What d...
Lois: (Enters through front door.) Brian, what is this on my shoe?
Brian: My poop.
Lois: (Takes tissue and wipes shoe.) That's right and it's disgusting. I am sick of you using the front yard as your bathroom. It's time you learn to use the toilet like everyone else.
Stewie: Uh, I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. I'm going to sneeze. (Sneezes on tissue with Brian's poop and looks at it.) Ahhhhh! (Runs away.)
- Permalink: Brian, what is this on my shoe? My poop. That's right and ...
Peter: Hello flabby, out of shape family. Check out my bulging ripplyness.
Brian: Peter, you've been to the gym once... for fifteen minutes.
Peter: And I'm fifteen minutes stronger Brian. I'd rip a phone book in half, but for the life of me, I don't know anyone who uses a phone book anymore. So I'll use Meg's laptop.
(proceeds to completely destroy Meg's laptop)
- Permalink: Hello flabby, out of shape family. Check out my bulging ripplyne...
Lois: Glen, we're so thrilled for you.
Brian: Yeah. Guess it didn't take much for you to get your job back, now that you're a hero.
Peter: And I'm so happy, I don't mind that I was raped in a federal prison after being arrested for hijacking!
- Permalink: Glen, we're so thrilled for you. Yeah. Guess it didn't take mu...
(Peter spits tobacco on the floor)
Brian: Peter, that's disgusting. Here, spit in this cup instead.
(Peter spits in cup and puts it on the arm of the couch)
Stewie: Oh, there's my apple juice.
Brian: Stewie, wait don't-
(Flashback to Stewie beating Brian)
Stewie: Where's my money? You gonna give me my money?
Brian: Oh, nevermind.
(Stewie drinks from the cup and starts yelling)
- Permalink: Peter, that's disgusting. Here, spit in this cup instead. Oh...
(Brian is taking the trash out, and hears music)
Brian: Stewie, what are you doing?
Stewie: Just gettin' my bronze on baby. Hey, what do you think of my recumbent tan pose? Huh, legs probably spread a little wider than they ought to be, but who gives a damn. This is just tan Stewie being tan Stewie. Check me out Brian.
(Stewie grabs a Tab soda from a cooler and drinks it so the label is showing, then turns to the camera and smiles)
- Permalink: Stewie, what are you doing? Just gettin' my bronze on baby. He...
Brian: You're talking out of your ass!
Stewie: It doesn't matter Brian, I'm tan! Hey, Brian, Brian, Brian... Look at my tan walk!
- Permalink: You're talking out of your ass! It doesn't matter Brian, I'm t...
Brian: Well, that's it for the list.
Stewie: Not quite Brian. There's one more thing I need you to do before I die. (Hands Brian a pencil and a pad of paper) Write down my final thoughts?
Brian: Oh, come on!
Stewie: (Softly) I don't have much time.
Stewie: Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid. I see you lurking there on the peripherie of my vision. But when I try to look at you, you scurry away. Are you shy, squiggly line? Why only when I ignore you, do you return to the center of my eye? Oh, squiggly line, it's alright, you are forgiven.
- Permalink: Well, that's it for the list. Not quite Brian. There's one mor...
(Stewie is standing in the mirror, peeling off his dead skin)
Stewie: Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?
- Permalink: Ewww! Hey Brian, you want some Stewie jerky?
I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.Stewie
Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)
- Permalink: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy!...