He's the dumbest person on the planet, and that's coming from me.

Tina: Last week we were too sexy, this week we're too religious -- we can't win.
Brittany: Now I know how Miley feels like.

I made him a card that said 'heart attacks are just from loving too much.'

Is God an evil dwarf?

I did a book report on heart attacks if you wanna give it to the doctor. It got knocked down a whole grade because I did it in crayon.

Whenever I pray, I fall asleep.

Carl: I'm gonna put you under a little general anesthesia. You won't feel a thing.
Brittany: Like roofies?
Carl: Yea, totally.

I would just like to say that from now on I demand to have every solo in glee club. When I had my teeth cleaned I had the most amazing Britney Spears fantasy. I sang and dance better than her. Now I realize what a powerful woman that I am.

I'm more talented than all of you. I see that clearly now.

Please don't pull out all my teeth. I'll look like an adult baby, but with boobs.

This room looks like that room on that spaceship when I got probed.

I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist.

Glee Quotes

Rachel: This is what I wanted!
Sam: No, what you wanted was a second chance to get it right and Carmen just gave it to you. If you throw all that away you're going to be making the same mistake all over again

Finn: I seem to recall a rumor about a certain cheerleading coach at this school who once took horse estrogen and posed for Penthouse back in the day. So maybe I can just track that down and make a few copies and sell those to raise money for Regionals.
Sue: That's nothing but a rumor. But if that rumor were true, my Penthouse centerfold so groundbreaking that it completely redefined the term 'hirsute,' and gave birth unto these United States a pose so limber they named it the Regal American Not-So-Bald Spread Eagle, I promise you, my friend, you would never find it.