Oh man, if a spider would have broken in here, he would have been in trouble.

Gloria: This part of town, might be very rough, but the people here, Cameron, are the best!
Cameron: I'm pretty sure I had wheels when I parked here.

Cameron: I was nervous. There was a lot of different food on the menu, and on the floor and on the wall.
Mitchell: Are we sure we're not exaggerating just a little bit?
Cameron: Were you there, Mitchell? Because I think I would have recognized the only other white or gay person.

Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.

Mitchell: I never went to sports games with him.
Cameron: Probably because you call them sports games. Lose the sports.

Mitchell: Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Cameron: It's where the planet geek passes through the nerdy way.

We can't ignore the giant panda in the room

The recipe is from the now-defunct Gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?

Mitchell: Subtext: this is weird.
Cameron: I didn't hear any subtext.
Mitchell: Hear any now?

Mitchell: I had to settle.
Cameron: Well, your mom might think so, but some think I'm a catch.

It's Valentine's Day. It's not the day you run away from love. It's the day you chase it down.

Oh sure, when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — it's a low two.