Carlos Solis Quotes
Carlos: Why would I send you flowers?
Gabrielle: To sabotage my new relationship! (nods to Bill)
Carlos: Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?
(Carlos and Gabrielle are in front of a judge getting divorced when Carlos' lawyer brings up the fact that Gabrielle only seduced him to get in on the money and Carlos played the tape.)
Gabrielle: (Upset) You recorded our love making?!
Carlos: It's all right here, Your Honor. When she climaxes, she actually starts screaming out dollar amounts.
Carlos: You wanna wash my shorts?
Gabrielle: I don't want to, but if you wear them one more time, they're gonna ask me themselves.
(Gabrielle is sitting in the living room putting on make up when Carlos enters the house.)
Gabrielle: Carlos. No Trishelle tonight?
Carlos: Ah, no. About her, I have a confession to make.
Gabrielle: Does her pimp want the rest of the money? You know, there is some cash in my purse.
Carlos: Phil Lopez!.....you brought Phil Lopez?!
Gabby: Um-hmm!
Carlos: I had no idea you hated me that much.
Gabrielle: (to Carlos) You peed in my shampoo. Admit it! The cap was lose and I know how your sick mind works!
Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Oh really well in that case you should know that I wouldn't do it to your shampoo I'd do it to your mouthwash, soup and de-caffinated coffee!
Gabrielle: (to the girls) To answer your question, no we are not getting back together.
(They all pick up the coffee. stare at each other, and put the coffee down.)
(Carlos and Gabby are at the Divorce Mediators, having an argument over whom parts with what)
Gabrielle: (slaps Carlos' hand) Stop eating my fries!
Carlos: I'm hungry.
Gabrielle: You know what? The doctor said, (to the mediator) You should see his cholesterol, this man bleeds bacon grease.
Mediator: Enough! You two are going to have to find a way to deal with each other, because you are about to bring a child into this world and divorced or not? Once that child arrives, you will be bound together for as long as you live.
Gabrielle: Well in that case, (to Carlos) have some more fries.
Carlos: Hey, are there any decent, single women at this wedding?
Waiter: Not that I have seen it.
Lynette: Hey, Carlos. You should come over to our table, that's where all the hotties are.
Carlos: Okay, Gaby, can we please talk about this?! You're the one that gave me permission, remember? You said, "go have sex with somebody"!
Gabrielle: To have meaningless sex, Carlos. Not to sleep with the woman who's carrying our child!
Carlos: What is the matter?! Look, we're even! You had an affair, and I had an affair!
Gabrielle: I had a reason to. You were never here! I've been here, Carlos. I have tried so hard to not be selfish and to put your needs above mine. I mean, for god sakes, look at me! I have agreed to be a mother for you!
Carlos: Look, Gaby, you have every right to be mad at me. So I'm gonna go and check into a hotel room and let you cool down, but we are going to work this out.
Gabrielle: Forget the hotel, Carlos. Get a lease.
Xiao-mei: Here, taste this.
Carlos: Oh, man! Xiao-mei, that is amazing.
Xiao-mei: You like?
Carlos: Oh, yeah. Sorry if I'm making a mess.
Xiao-mei: It's okay. Mu Shu Pork. Supposed to be messy.
Carlos:I wish Gabrielle could cook like this. Have you ever tried her enchiladas?
Xiao-mei:One time they make me sick.
Carlos: Hey, what are you doing?
Gabrielle: Trying to have sex with you.
Carlos: Now? Babe, it's kind of late.
Gabrielle: You don't wanna have sex with me? You always wanna have sex with me. You wanted to have sex with me an hour after your hernia operation.
Carlos: I'm a little preoccupied. A good man died today. Don't take it personally.
Carlos: Hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
Gabrielle: Honey, uh, I think it's time to unpack the pants.
Carlos: Right. It's nice to meet you ladies.
Mary Alice: Let me guess newlyweds?
Gabrielle: Four months, and I've dressed like this for two of them. He's insatiable.
