Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.

Carter; Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa.
Warlord: What is Kwanzaa?
Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.

Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted?
Peter: What's that?
Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.

I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.

God, it's good to be old and nude.

Magic baby? What does he do? Card tricks? Rabbit in the hat? Will he let someone in the audience punch him in the stomach? I'd like to punch a baby in the stomach.

Carter: The government wants to tell you how many children you can have!
Herbert: What? No!

Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"

Carter: "Hey Quandry."
Quagmire: "No, no it's Quagmire."

Carter: If you will not be turned, you will be destroyed.
Chris: Oh yea? You and what lightning hands?

Good luck. I hope you like weird boobs.

Now let's kiss while the camera pans over to the drapes.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley