The very fact that socks exist is proof shoes don't work.

Schmidt: CeCe, are you pregnant?
CeCe: I don't know. We have to wait for the test results, but I'm late.
Schmidt: We made a caramel miracle!

Cece: I know you have more costumes in your closet.
Schmidt: Those costumes are for Purim.

CeCe: Make sure you use protection.
Schmidt: CeCe, she's a foreigner. What do you think I am? An idiot?

CeCe: Are you "White Fanging" me?
Schmidt: What?
CeCe: White Fang? The only book you have on your Kindle. The book you wouldn't stop talking about, and I said, "Would you please stop talking about White Fang" and then you said, "Someday, I'm gonna do that to somebody".

Schmidt: I get that. Your business is selling sex. You're a sex worker.
CeCe: You're an idiot.

Schmidt: You like me? You like my personality?
CeCe: I was surprised, too.

Cece:Do you have any agave?
Schmidt: We might have some pressed lentils syrups in the mixin's cabinet.

Schmidt: A pogo is what your friends talk about when you leave the room.
Cece: Oh like your barnacle toenails?

Cece: You look like a character from The Love Guru.
Schmidt: Aw, thank you.

Cece: I'm still marrying an Indian guy.
Schmidt: Sure, but you went home with a Jew in a turban. I'm just saying.

Nadia: Jew in the couch!
CeCe: Nadia, American manners!
Nadia: Sorry. Jew person in couch.
Schmidt: She's not wrong.

New Girl Quotes

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt