Chandler Bing Quotes
Rachel: I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two birthday cakes.
Chandler: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
Rachel: What?
Chandler: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert... Look talk to Monica, she's on the food committee.
(To Rachel) How you holding up there, tiger? Oh, sorry. When my parents were getting divorced, I got a lot of tigers. I got a lot of champs, sports, once I even got a governor.
Rachel: (Realizing her two fighting parents are both attending her birthday party) Both of them are here, both of them, both of them are here?
Chandler: Well, we could count again.
Joey: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
Phoebe: Why not her?
Joey: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
Chandler: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
Monica: Joey, they're not real! I start miles beneath the surface of these things, okay? They're fake. See (Monica squeezes her breast) Honk honk.
Chandler: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
Rachel: It's just that.. I was in there, listening to them bitch about each other, and it reminded me of the Fourth Of July.
Chandler: Because.. it reminded you of how our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
Ross & Chandler: (Depressed) Hi.
Rachel: What's the matter with you?
Chandler: The mean guys at the coffee house took my hat.
Ross: Maybe getting beat up is just something every guy has to go through once in his life, like a rite of passage or something.
Chandler: Well, couldn't we just lose our virginities again? Because actually I think mine's growing back.
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Do you have to be a Century 21 real-estate agent to get to wear those really cool jackets?
Ross: Do you say this stuff to girls?
Chandler: (About beating people up) Yeah, I wouldn't know having missed everything.
Bully: Don't do that to yourself. Any one of us could have tripped over that little girls jump-rope.
Eddie: (Showing a dehydrated tomato) Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
Chandler: Your last roommate's kidney?
Chandler: So, you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
Joey: No, no, I'm okay. Oh and, uh, just so you know, I'm not moving back in because I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
Chandler: Welcome home, man.