Chandler Bing Quotes
Joey: Man, this is weird. Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat?
Chandler: That's what's weird? Joey, the man's been captain of a cereal for the last forty years.
Joey: I'm 28 years old, I've never lived alone, and I'm finally at a place where I've got enough money that I don't need a roommate anymore.
Chandler: Woah, woah, woah. I don't need a roommate either, okay? I can afford to live here by myself. You know, I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
Ross: (On the phone) Whoa, whoa, whoa! Australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display! No. No. No, no, Homo-habilus was erect, Australopithicus was never fully erect.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.
Joey: Wow! Look at that! The car is on fire, yet somehow it's expensive paint job is protected by the Miracle Wax.
Chandler: You got a Cheeto on your face, man.
Joey: (Watching Beavis and Butthead in their barcaloungers) Is that the fire alarm?
Chandler: Yeah. (Feels the floor) Oh, it's not warm yet. We still have time.
Joey: Cool.
Joey: All right, no peeking. No peeking, no peeking, no peeking.
Chandler: All right, all right, but you better be wearing clothes when I open my eyes.
Chandler: (On the phone) Uh, two larges, extra cheese on both. But listen, don't ring the buzzer for 19. Ring 20. Geller/Greene. They'll let you in, okay? If you buzz our door, there's no tip for you. Okay, thanks. (Hangs up phone) Pizza's on the way. I told you we wouldn't have to get up.
Joey: What if we have to pee?
Chandler: (Reaching for phone) I'll cancel the sodas.
Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys could watch TV with your feet up.
Chandler: Well, they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived in the wild.
Joey: Some girl ate Monica!
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
Chandler: Ah, so how many cameras are actually on you?
Joey: You have any idea what this'll do for your sex life?
Chandler: Well, it'll probably slow it down at first, but once I get used to the extra weight, I'll be back on track.
Phoebe: Do you want a refill?
Chandler: No, I'm all right, thanks.
Phoebe: Okay. Ooh, okay, you have got to give me a second, I want to get this just right. (Sticking out her gut, clearing her throat, and sniffing her nose; then in her best male voice) Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checking you out. (Going back to her normal voice) That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now.
Chandler: What's this?
Joey: Eight hundred and twelve bucks.
Chandler: Well, I don't know what Big Leon told ya but it's an even thousand if you want me for the whole night.
