Chandler Bing Quotes
Joey: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eating turkey, the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leaping and you geese are a-laying.
Chandler: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.
- Permalink: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day...
Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
- Permalink: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!
Chandler: You know, I remember my father... all dressed up in the red suit, with the big black boots and the leather belt. Sneaking around downstairs, he didn't want anybody to see him, but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.
Rachel: That doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.
Chandler: Who said anything about Christmas?
- Permalink: You know, I remember my father... all dressed up in the red suit...
Phoebe: A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.
Chandler: Pheebs, let me ask you something... Were... were these, uh, "funny" brownies?
Phoebe: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them!
- Permalink: A plate of brownies once told me a limerick. Pheebs, let me as...
Chandler: Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her?
Ross: She's not Rachel.
- Permalink: Okay, let's do Julie. What's wrong with her? She's not Rachel.
This must be so hard. "Oh no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet's too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
- Permalink: This must be so hard. Oh no! Two women love me! They're both gor...
Joey: Ross, listen. I got two words for you: Threesome.
Chandler: You still got one word left if you want to use it.
- Permalink: Threesome. You still got one word left if you want to use it.
Chandler: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 megabyte hard drive. Built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
Phoebe: Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
Chandler: Games and stuff.
- Permalink: All right, check out this bad boy. Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500 ...
(Making up a story instead of reading The List) It was summer ... and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gray couch. "Oh look!" cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The end.
- Permalink: It was summer ... and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely gra...
Chandler: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it was my diary. She never would have made me read her my diary.
Monica: You know, that's true. You'd be a great person to have around the day after an emergency.
- Permalink: My diary! My diary, that's brilliant. I should have told her it ...
Chandler: Okay, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, okay? We'll make a list. Rachel and Julie, pros and cons. Oh. We'll put their names in bold, with different fonts, and I can use different colors for each column.
Ross: Can't we just use a pen?
Chandler: No, Amish boy.
- Permalink: Okay, all right, look. Let's get logical about this, okay? We'll...
Phoebe: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus.
Joey: Hey, cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea.
Chandler: Oh good, I was hoping that would come up.
Monica: This was your idea?
Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Chandler: (Squirming) All right, let's get some perspective here, okay? These things, they happen for a reason.
Monica: Yeah. You!
Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, okay? You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
Phoebe: Yeah. By the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
- Permalink: I... I cannot believe Ross even made this list. What a dinkus. ...
Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!
- Permalink: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me. What? No way, I've be...
- Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Monica: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent?
Joey: Probably kill myself.
Monica: Excuse me?
Joey: Hey, if Little Joey's dead, I got no reason to live.
Ross: Uh Joey... omnipotent.
Joey: You are? I'm so sorry. (To Chandler) I didn't know, I thought it was one of those theoretical questions.
- Permalink: Hey, Joey! What would you do if you were omnipotent? Probably...
- Rating: 4.2 / 5.0