Charlie Harper Quotes (Page 10)
Season 7, Episode 21: "This Is Not Gonna End Well"
Alan: ...and maybe Saturday, a date.
Charlie: You're calling those magazines dates now?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jake: I like German cars.
Charlie: Well if keep your nose clean and work hard, you may be able to park them for a living.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 7, Episode 21: "Gumby with a Pokey"
Charlie: Don't take this the wrong way, but I'd rather get a maple syrup enema and sit on an ant pile.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Alan: You might want to eat something so when you throw up later, it won't just be alcohol and stomach juice.
Charlie: Way ahead of you. (holds up drink) I call it an Egg McBorboun.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 7, Episode 20: "I Called Him Magoo"
Prostitute: What's my role in this?
Charlie: You don't think I'm a good role model, yet paradoxically you want to have kids with me.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Prostitue: What kind of sex does charlie want?
Charlie: Oh i get to choose? It's kind of like Baskin Robbins. You know if they charged $1,000 a scoop.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 7, Episode 19: "Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave"
Alan: Now, to the issue of underage drinking. Not only is it against the law, alcohol destroys brain cells.
Charlie: Alan, you gotta tailor the pitch to the audience.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: Forget brain cells. Jake, listen to me, this is very important. Alcohol can make it tough to get a boner.
Jake: You're kidding?
Charlie: I can't tell you how many times I've said, "this has never happened before."
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Jake: I'm never gonna drink again.
Charlie: Quitter.
Alan: Charlie...
Charlie: Oh right, atta boy.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: This is a hot divorced mother from the valley, you're going to need three penises and a jumper cable to get her attention.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: Piece of tail always trumps peace of mind, doesn't it?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 796