Charlie Harper Quotes (Page 11)
Season 7, Episode 19: "Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave"
Berta: When I came down here I was hoping to be a dancer.
Charlie: Really?
Berta: Yeah, then I met pot and donuts. Before I knew it I was scrubbing toilets and hosing teenage barf out of wicker baskets.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: And you call yourself a drummer. Keith Moon is vomitting in his grave.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: Who the hell are you?
Jake: Oh, this is my friend Eldrige, he plays that drums.
Charlie: Okay, that explains the attitude.
Eldridge: What, are you ragging on my name?
Charlie: No, I'm ragging on your instrument, now beat it.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 7, Episode 18: "Ixnay on the Oggie Day"
Chelsea: I should never have let you go.
Charlie: Sometimes you can't appreciate what you got until you go to Mexico and don't have sex with a momma's boy.
• Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Charlie: What is that?
Alan: A portable massage table.
Charlie: So what are you giving rub and tugs on the pier now?
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Alan: Let me get this one.
Charlie: Really? You're not going for the world record?
Alan: What are you talking about?
Charlie: 1647 meals in a row where you haven't taken your stupid velcro wallet.
Alan: You were counting?
Charlie: Was I close?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Charlie: Why'd you change your friggin hair?
Alan: My girlfriend asked me to.
Charlie: If your new girlfriend asked you to jump off a bridge, would you?
Alan: If she put her tongue in my mouth while she asked me...
Charlie: I can't blame you. I once bought a woman a car for the same reason.
Alan: She put her tongue in your mouth?
Charlie: Sure. Let's say mouth.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 7, Episode 17: "I Found Your Moustache"
Alan: I'm just supposed to leave my car by the side of the road. What happens if someone tries to steal it?
Charlie: Good thinking. Leave the keys, gas money and a thank you note.
• Rating: Unrated
Alan: Don't insult the green lifestyle. I work very hard to reduce my carbon footprint.
Charlie: You're a mooch and a miser, don't try and make it sound hip.
• Rating: Unrated
Charlie: I'm hammered, how's it going to look if I get a DUI spying on my ex-girlfriend.
Alan: He's very responsible about drinking and stalking.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 796
