(to Archer) You want a drink, (to Lana) you want to lecture us, (to Pam) you want more bear claws, (to Ray), you want to smoke (to Cyril) you want to masturbate, and (to Krieger) you're scared that we'll figure you you're actually just a Krieger clone

Cheryl: I have an idea!
Archer: OK wait. Does it have anything to do with our current situation?
Cheryl: Yes!
Archer: OK, what is it?
Cheryl: We are stuck in an elevator?
Cyril: The idea! Not our current situation!

Lana: I'm going upstate for seer school
Cheryl: So take her with you!
Lana: To SURVIVAL school
Cherl: Big whoop. Hang her in a bear bag

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Ray: Is this Brett's blood?
Cheryl: Ugh no, just the same type. We had to fudge it a little on the stains, some of which actually were fudge
Pam: And some of which merely resembled it

Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

You really spent your entire inheritence on the poors?

Archer: How many times do I have to apologize?
Cheryl: Just once would be nice.
Archer: Uh, no.

Clean the secretly gay for Lucas Troy out of your ears.

Cheryl: Think about someone else for once in your life.
Lana: And that's her saying that.

It has to be your place. Mine totally reeks of ocelot piss.

Krieger: I needed help disseminating him.
Cheryl: Eww!
Pam: Not what it means.
Lana: Still pretty gross though.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?