Favorite Chris Traeger Quotes
Chris: You and I will embark in a quick session of heart-rate meditation, focusing on conscious breathing and opening the heart shakra.
Ron: I'm not sure I'm interested in that. No, I am sure, I'm not interested in that.
Ann: Wow, that's disgusting.
Chris: Yeah, it's very hard to drink.
Chris: To Tom Haverford! Wooo!
Tom: And to my wife Rihanna! We truly did find love in a hopeless place.
I think you might find me attractive because you got drunk and kissed me when we first met.
Chris: Somebody say my name.

Jerry: Chris.

Chris: Swivel! What is it, Jerry?

Jerry: You told me to say your name.

Chris: And you did a great job superstar.
Ann: I don't think I should go out with you.
Chris: Can I ask you why not? Because I thought we had a great time the night you got drunk and kissed me. And... you did use your tongue.
I have a resting heart rate of 23 beats per minute. The scientists who study me say my heart can pump jet fuel up into an airplane.
I know what'll loosen up our brains. Massage train. And, I know what you're thinking. It's not that I want a massage; I'll be the caboose. And Ron Swanson is the locomotive.
Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.
Ron: So, you love April and she has a new boyfriend, right?
Andy: You got all of that from a picture?
Chris: No, you told me yesterday.
Chris: Jerry, I believe you are capable of much more.

Jerry: I'm not.

You're a smart, successful young man with an adorable little belly.
