Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a lovechild, he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor.

Claire: Little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Phil: Of course they can, there's tons of examples: Up, Gran Torino, True Grit..."
Claire: Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've gotta go talk to that guy."

I had to undress a mannequin while a creepy guy filmed it, so we have that to look forward to on the Internet.

I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.

Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?

I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.

Claire: I'll be upstairs, Clive, don't take too long.
Phil: I never do.

Claire: We need a game plan, we need to map out exactly what we are going to say, because that is the only way I will be able to hold it together while our babies look at us with judgment and disgust.
Phil: That's how they always look at us.

Phil: We were, as they say, having sex.
Claire: That's not a euphemism. That's actually what we were doing.

Honey, look at how long it just took us to figure out she's insulting us.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 171 in total

Modern Family Quotes

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

I get that Thanksgiving is an big day for families that don't see each other, but we're together nonstop.

Jay