Cleveland Brown Quotes
(Giraffe crashes into Cleveland's house, and his bathtub slides out the hole in the wall) What the hell? No no no no no! I got to stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans.
- Permalink: What the hell? No no no no no! I got to stop taking my baths dur...
Peter: Who's sober enough to drive?
(No one answers.)
Peter: Ok, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right? I mean what do they expect me do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus.
Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
Peter: (Throws keys to Cleveland) Shotgun!
- Permalink: Who's sober enough to drive? Ok, who's drunk, but that speci...
(Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire are in the Drunken Clam)
Joe: Peter, you're urinating unusually frequently.
Quagmire: Yeah, what gives?
Shamus: If its gale force peein ya be doin, it could mean ya got barnacles on yer prostate. Best have sick bay check below yer decks.
Peter: Wait a minute, are you telling me I need a prostate exam?
Shamus: Aye, and soon, before your rudder jams with flotsam, and your droppin' anchor without an order from the captain. (pauses) How are you liking all of these nautical puns?
Quagmire: Not bad.
Cleveland: Somewhat entertaining.
- Permalink: Peter, you're urinating unusually frequently. Yeah, what gives...
Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...
- Permalink: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis? Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a li...
I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program going on in my trousers.
- Permalink: I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program go...
Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
- Permalink: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their l...
Peter: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. Sex is pointless without the potency.
Quagmire: Yeah. You take the venom out of the cobra, and what have you got? You got a... a belt!
- Permalink: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow. You poor bastard. Sex is point...
Quagmire: Cleveland, how did you end your marriage?
Cleveland: You slept with my wife.
- Permalink: Cleveland, how did you end your marriage? You slept with my wi...
Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?
- Permalink: Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection i...
Peter: A-Team roll call; Face?
Quagmire: Here and handsome!
Joe: Here, and... crazy!
Cleveland: I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
- Permalink: A-Team roll call; Face? Here and handsome! Murdoch? Here, ...
Cleveland: Good thing you packed so many blowup dolls, Quag... Quag... Quagmire.
Quagmire: Be careful. Even the tiniest prick can pop these things... giggedy.
- Permalink: Good thing you packed so many blowup dolls, Quag... Quag... Quag...
Peter: Alright fellas, we've been out her for months and we all know that men have certain needs. And being that there's no women around, we're going to have to have an orgy. [cuts to them naked in a pile] Uh, anybody horny?
Peter: Me neither! And whoever's toe that is, I appreciate you enthusiasm but I think you should stop.
Joe: Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this.
[cruise ship arrives]
Cruise Annnouncer: And if you look off the left side of the ship, you'll see a bunch of homosexuals (starts to speak Spanish). A la izquierdo del barco podemos ver los 'fanny bandits
- Permalink: Alright fellas, we've been out her for months and we all know th...