Cleveland Brown Quotes (Page 3)
Season 5, Episode 9: "Road to Rupert"
(Peter uses a lighter to make a fire on Meg's head)
Joe: Hey, Meg don't be such a "hothead".
Meg: Huh?
Cleveland: Meg, you look "hot".
Meg: What?
Peter: Meg, I just lit your scalp on fire.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Peter: Cleveland, who would you rather do: Queen Latifah or Halle Berry,
but she's been dead for six hours?
Cleveland: Aw, man. That's a tough one.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 8: "Barely Legal"
Cleveland: (Giraffe crashes into Cleveland's house, and his bathtub slides out the hole in the wall) What the hell? No no no no no! I got to stop taking my baths during Peter's shenanigans.
• Rating: Unrated
Quagmire: What are you doing?
Joe: I'm watching Bonnie undress.
Cleveland: Bonnie's your wife.
Joe: I like to watch her strip, and pretend she's a total stranger who looks exactly like my wife and lives in my house. Get naked, you strange whore!!
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 3: "Hell Comes to Quahog"
Peter: Who's sober enough to drive?
(No one answers.)
Peter: Ok, who's drunk, but that special kind of drunk where you're a better driver because you know you're drunk, you know the kind of drunk where you probably shouldn't drive, but you do anyways because, I mean come on, you got to get your car home, right? I mean what do they expect me do, take a bus? Is that what they want? For me to take a bus? Well screw that! You take a bus.
Cleveland: I'm that kind of drunk.
Peter: (Throws keys to Cleveland) Shotgun!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 1: "Stewie Loves Lois"
(Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire are in the Drunken Clam)
Joe: Peter, you're urinating unusually frequently.
Quagmire: Yeah, what gives?
Shamus: If its gale force peein ya be doin, it could mean ya got barnacles on yer prostate. Best have sick bay check below yer decks.
Peter: Wait a minute, are you telling me I need a prostate exam?
Shamus: Aye, and soon, before your rudder jams with flotsam, and your droppin' anchor without an order from the captain. (pauses) How are you liking all of these nautical puns?
Joe: Cute.
Quagmire: Not bad.
Cleveland: Somewhat entertaining.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 4, Episode 30: "Stu & Stewie's Excellent Adventure"
Old Lois: Hi, Glen. How's the arthritis?
Old Quagmire: Fine. 'Course, I've gotten a little stiff since you walked in, Giggety gigg... oop, I just pooped a little.
Old Cleveland: Oh... that's... nasty...
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 24: "Peterotica"
Cleveland: I'm no school administrator, but there's an extension program going on in my trousers.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 4, Episode 22: "Sibling Rivalry"
Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?
Joe: NEVER!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Peter: Well, my vasectomy is tomorrow.
Cleveland: You poor bastard. Sex is pointless without the potency.
Quagmire: Yeah. You take the venom out of the cobra, and what have you got? You got a... a belt!
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 52
