Cleveland Brown Quotes
Peter: Alright fellas, we've been out her for months and we all know that men have certain needs. And being that there's no women around, we're going to have to have an orgy. [cuts to them naked in a pile] Uh, anybody horny?
Peter: Me neither! And whoever's toe that is, I appreciate you enthusiasm but I think you should stop.
Joe: Boy, I'm sure glad nobody's here to see this.
[cruise ship arrives]
Cruise Annnouncer: And if you look off the left side of the ship, you'll see a bunch of homosexuals (starts to speak Spanish). A la izquierdo del barco podemos ver los 'fanny bandits
- Permalink: Alright fellas, we've been out her for months and we all know th...
Peter: Hey, hey I got an idea. Let's play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on [Quagmire, Peter and Joe drink]
Joe: I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife [Quagmire and Cleveland drink to this]
Peter: Alright let's see. Uh, I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom [Quagmire drinks... cuts to a bunch of empty beers] God! Let's see, what else is there? Um, I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Quagmire: Oh god! [drinks]
Joe: I uh, I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on! [drinks
Peter: Uh, I never did the same thing, but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh god! This is ridiculous! [drinks and passes out]
- Permalink: Hey, hey I got an idea. Let's play I Never. You got to drink if ...
Peter: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period!
Joe: Peter, shut up! It's 3 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out here?
Quagmire: Dammit! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying she's a woman! Yay!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!
- Permalink: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period! Peter, shut up!...
Peter: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you.
Peter: Yeah. Funny story; Me and Brian came by your house and caught her with some guy, and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!" and She's going "Ohhh yeah", and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam!"
Brian: Uh, Peter...
Peter: Hold on, I'm not done yet. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! You wanna take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?
Bamm-Bamm: Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm-Bamm! You wanna take it from here, Emeril?
Emeril Lagasse: Bam!
- Permalink: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you. What?! Yeah. Funny sto...
Cleveland: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman?
Loretta: I'm a woman, Cleveland! I need some passion in my life! I need a real man, and lord knows that ain't you!
Cleveland: Well, I admit after a long day of work, I don't always come home with that "Reuniti on ice, that's nice" mentality, and for that, I apologize.
Loretta: Apologize? I cheat on you and you apologize to me? Cleaveland Brown, you are pathetic!
Cleaveland: I disagree, but I respect your candor.
Loretta: Goodbye, Cleveland!
Cleveland: I love you...
- Permalink: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having ...
Cleveland: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee!
Quagmire: Well that oughta be appropriate, since I just found out I have hepatitis
- Permalink: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee! Well that oughta be appr...
You're the white version of a black guy that's not good with his money
- Permalink: You're the white version of a black guy that's not good with his...
Cleveland: Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money.
Peter: Well, I guess not the retarded ones, but why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's "edgey", and then there's "offensive."
- Permalink: Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money. Well, I gues...
Joe: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first.
Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul.
Peter: I heard one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape
- Permalink: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts fir...
[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
- Permalink: Holy crap, do you see what I see? I'm afraid I do. We're bei...
Cleveland: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Loretta: Don't say it.
Cleveland: Your mother smells
- Permalink: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother.....
Cleveland: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend?
Peter: Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Cleveland: Nothing's too far away from Maxine the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt
- Permalink: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend? Rhode Isl...
Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)
- Permalink: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy!...
Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --Lois