Cleveland Brown Quotes
Peter: Hey, hey I got an idea. Let's play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one. I never slept with a woman with the lights on [Quagmire, Peter and Joe drink]
Joe: I'll go next. Uh, I never had sex with Cleveland's wife [Quagmire and Cleveland drink to this]
Peter: Alright let's see. Uh, I never did a chick in a Logan Airport bathroom [Quagmire drinks... cuts to a bunch of empty beers] God! Let's see, what else is there? Um, I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.
Quagmire: Oh god! [drinks]
Joe: I uh, I never picked up an illegal alien from Home Depot to take home and choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on! [drinks
Peter: Uh, I never did the same thing, but with someone from Jo-Ann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh god! This is ridiculous! [drinks and passes out]
- Permalink: Hey, hey I got an idea. Let's play I Never. You got to drink if ...
Peter: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period!
Joe: Peter, shut up! It's 3 in the morning!
Cleveland: What the hell's going on out here?
Quagmire: Dammit! People are trying to sleep!
Peter: I'm just saying she's a woman! Yay!
Quagmire: Yes, Peter, that's very hot and I'll deal with it in the morning, but right now I'm exhausted!
- Permalink: Hey, everybody, Meg just had her first period! Peter, shut up!...
Peter: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you.
Peter: Yeah. Funny story; Me and Brian came by your house and caught her with some guy, and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!" and She's going "Ohhh yeah", and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam!"
Brian: Uh, Peter...
Peter: Hold on, I'm not done yet. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! You wanna take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?
Bamm-Bamm: Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm-Bamm! You wanna take it from here, Emeril?
Emeril Lagasse: Bam!
- Permalink: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you. What?! Yeah. Funny sto...
Cleveland: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman?
Loretta: I'm a woman, Cleveland! I need some passion in my life! I need a real man, and lord knows that ain't you!
Cleveland: Well, I admit after a long day of work, I don't always come home with that "Reuniti on ice, that's nice" mentality, and for that, I apologize.
Loretta: Apologize? I cheat on you and you apologize to me? Cleaveland Brown, you are pathetic!
Cleaveland: I disagree, but I respect your candor.
Loretta: Goodbye, Cleveland!
Cleveland: I love you...
- Permalink: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having ...
Cleveland: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee!
Quagmire: Well that oughta be appropriate, since I just found out I have hepatitis
- Permalink: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee! Well that oughta be appr...
You're the white version of a black guy that's not good with his money
- Permalink: You're the white version of a black guy that's not good with his...
Cleveland: Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money.
Peter: Well, I guess not the retarded ones, but why would you even say that? For shock value? Jeez, Cleveland, there's "edgey", and then there's "offensive."
- Permalink: Peter, not all Jewish people are good with money. Well, I gues...
Joe: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts first.
Cleveland: I heard he doesn't just eat you, he eats your soul.
Peter: I heard one of Shannon Doherty's eyes is off center because it's trying to escape
- Permalink: I heard that when Daggermouth eats you, he devours your guts fir...
[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
- Permalink: Holy crap, do you see what I see? I'm afraid I do. We're bei...
Cleveland: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Loretta: Don't say it.
Cleveland: Your mother smells
- Permalink: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother.....
Cleveland: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend?
Peter: Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Cleveland: Nothing's too far away from Maxine the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt
- Permalink: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend? Rhode Isl...
Cleveland: Look at all the damage!
Peter: Thank God the open air debris garden is still intact
- Permalink: Look at all the damage! Thank God the open air debris garden i...
Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)
- Permalink: Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy!...
- Rating: 4.7 / 5.0
Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?Wilford Brimley
- Permalink: Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee ...
- Rating: 4.3 / 5.0