Comic Book Guy Quotes
Your scar, like Tom Cruise's last good movie, was Born on the Fourth of July.
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(After Bart brought Marge's character back to life)
Marge: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life force to save me. What a good boy.
(An angry mob busts in)
Moe: He's weak!
Comic Book Guy: Slay him and take his experience points!
Bart: Wait, stop. If you kill me, I'll egg your houses in real life!
Mrs. Krabapel: It's still worth it!
(She stabs Bart in the eye)
- Permalink: Wait till I tell the other moms you gave two-thirds of your life...
Marge: This is so exciting! Watching a movie outside with the whole town.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, thank you for talking to one of us like we just tuned in! (his lawn chair collapses) Ooh, a fat man falls! Real original!
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Homer: They killed Graystache!
Guy: Thanks for the spoiler, big mouth!
(Throws book at Homer)
- Permalink: They killed Graystache! Thanks for the spoiler, big mouth!
(Using peanuts as a threat, Bart forces Skinner to do things against his will at Comic Book Guy's shop.)
Principal Skinner: (Clears throat) Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast-feed Bilbo Baggins.
Comic Book Guy: Your cowering suggests that Bart has found your kryptonite.
Principal Skinner: Kryptonite? What's that? The "ite" suffix suggests a mineral.
Comic Book Guy: I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your ignorance. I shall laugh. Ha, ha! Kryptonite is Superman's greatest weakness.
Principal Skinner: Wait, maybe Bart has a kryptonite!
Comic Book Guy: Perhaps. But for now you may suckle your Baggins.
(Comic Book Guy hands a Bilbo Baggins doll to Principal Skinner.)
- Permalink: Excuse me. I'm supposed to stand in your store window and breast...
Your music violates everything punk stands for, which is nothing! You are no longer welcome at CBGB's--Comic Book Guy's Bar.</i> Comic Book Guy
- Permalink: Your music violates everything punk stands for, which is nothing...
And that is why The Lord of the Rings can never be filmed!</i> Young Comic Book Guy
- Permalink: And that is why The Lord of the Rings can never be filmed!
(Comic Book Guy has just noticed a new comic store that has opened up across the street.)
Comic Book Guy: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham City!
Martin: Which he did, in World's Finest Comics #94. (Points to the comic.) See?
Comic Book Guy: That was an imaginary story, dreamt by Jimmy Olsen after he was kicked in the head by Supergirl's horse, Comet. It never really happened.
Bart: None of these things ever really happened.
Comic Book Guy: Get out of my store.
- Permalink: Philip K Dick! It can't be! It's as if Superman moved to Gotham ...
Comic Book Guy: Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's iconic sideburns. Hence, you must buy this comic. And the cost of your innocent accident is... 25 dollars, please.
Milhouse: But that's the money Yaya Sophia gave me for Greek Orthodox Easter.
Comic Book Guy: (Sighs) I hate when they tell me things about themselves.
- Permalink: Nice work, Doctor Boo-Who. Your tears have smudged Wolverine's i...