Cooper Freedman Quotes
Cooper: Are you still having sex with the same guy? The same guy, huh? Finally going to 'fess up and tell me who?
Violet: I told you whom it was, and you didn't believe me.
Cooper: Who it was. And you told me Pete, which is an obfuscation, Lying really.
Violet: It's Pete, Cooper. I'm having sex with Pete. You need me to prove it to you?
(to Charlotte) I have a mom who feels like she lost one son to autism and maybe losing another one to measles and she's got another one sitting out here, exposed, and maybe I'm just not persuasive enough. But he's vulnerable. She's not going to let me do anything about it. So I'm really sorry if I piled on some paperwork for you, but I don't need crap from you, right now.
Cooper: Hey Pete have you ever paid for sex?
Pete: Don't have to.
Violet: I slept with Pete! (she pauses) There, I told you.
Cooper: You know, I expected better from you.
Violet: I'm sorry. It just happened -
Cooper: You know what? If that's how you want to play it, fine.
Violet: What are you talking about?
Cooper: When you're ready to be mature and tell me who you really slept with I'll be around for you, Violet.
Violet: I'm not lying to you. I really slept with Pete.
Cooper: Okay. (he steps out the door)
Violet: Where are you going?
Cooper: I don't want to be late for my date with Angelina Jolie.
Cooper: How are you feeling?
Charlotte: I'm on the pill.
Cooper: You're a doctor. You know that's not 100%.
Charlotte: Cooper, I would know if I was pregnant.
Charlotte: I'm always cranky.
Charlotte: I'm always glowing. Now please, stop stalking me and my womb.
(Charlotte has just taken the pregnancy test and is waiting for the results with Cooper)
Charlotte: Now, all we have to do is wait.
Cooper: Come on. Little Walter? (he pretends to be holding a baby)
Charlotte: Are you trying to be funny?
Cooper: No, that was my grandfather. He was a piano tuner. Maybe he'll play an instrument, maybe the trumpet.
Charlotte: Please. It'll be a girl. Marjorie.
Cooper: Your grandmother?
Charlotte: My horse. Last animal I ever had. I was 15. She broke her ankle and we had to shoot her.
Cooper: Regular normal people are driven to murder every day. Right, love, love will do it every time. Twisted, sick, messed-up love.
Sam: Cooper, Charlotte King is still alive, right?
Cooper (sarcastically): You're in a good mood?!
Charlotte: Your Montgomery's a real star. Cash cow for me today. Really made me look good.
Cooper (sarcastically): I'm glad someone does.
Charlotte: Stop moping! I don't like moping sex!
Cooper: I have a kid with a big head. Turns out he has nothing wrong with him, except he's gonna be mocked, ridiculed and looked down upon for the rest of his life.
Charlotte: And that's your fault?
Cooper: No, that's me. I'm the one who doesn't fit in, who's gonna be first out of the practice just because they don't want me on the team anymore. I'm the big head kid!
Cooper: Oh my God! You are pathetic. You are crazy and pathetic. Big head's not a problem. It's a virtue, moron. You know who had a big head?! Lincoln, JFK, Elvis, Einstein... plenty of people have big heads and they don't sit and mope that they have a big head. So don't you sit and mope that you're a pediatrician. Do your job, do it well, and screw everyone else. You're the big head kid. More power to ya!
The problem is you are a sex toy I found on the Internet.
Cooper: She's crazy cakes!
Violet: That's your diagnosis?
Cooper: Crazy cakes!
Pete, I know your a dad now and the world's a big, scary place, but what the hell is going on?
Dell: I am 25-year-old single father. How am I going to deal with all this?
Cooper: You just love her.