Ryan: Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her?
Creed: I don't know man. I just don't know.

Creed: I vant to sell you blood!
Ryan: That's really not the trend in vampires right now.

Creed: Hey Boss. Did you "Find Nemo"?
Michael: I could name Pixar movies too. Toy Story!
Oscar: Don't you mean, Coy Story?
Phyllis: And when you fell in, did you Flounder?
Dwight: Michael, a flounder is both a kind of fish-
Michael: I know what a flounder is!

Pam: I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes ME an apology.
Michael: For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
Pam: Don't call my mother your lover!
Kevin: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
Andy: That is not okay dude.
Michael: Okay, in my defense...
Phyllis: Disgusting.
Creed: That's messed up man.
Pam: Yes. Thank you. Welcome to my personal hell!
Oscar: You have no sense of boundaries, Michael.

Michael: What topics, can you use for small talk?
Andy: Golf, stock market, Dave Matthews-
Michael: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Michael: No.
Meredith: The weekend.
Michael: Yeah! That's good! Come on up, Meredith. Come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I just started conversing, and I will say, "so Meredith, how was your weekend? What did you do?"
Meredith: Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper-part of the toilet... he calls it an "upper decker."

Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, uh...
Meredith: We have.

Creed: They've been in there a while.
Michael: Yep.
Creed: Can't be good.
Michael: No.
Creed: Think they're talking about me?
Michael: No, I think they're talking about me.
Creed: Yeah. That makes way more sense. Thanks boss.

Michael: The one true rumor ... and this it going to ruin this person's life, is that-
Jim: Pam's pregnant!
Kevin: I knew it! At first, I thought, 'Oh, Pam's breasts are a little bit bigger. She must have gotten a new bra with padding. But then I thought, Pam doesn't NEED padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim: Okay. Thanks.
Dwight: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: Who's the OB-GYN?

Did one of you tell Stanley that I have asthma. 'Cause I don't. If this gets out, they won't let me scuba. And if I can't scuba, what am I working toward?

Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Michael: Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.

Michael: Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head.
Creed: I hear it, too, Boss.

Creed: [playing chess] No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that.
Jim: Well, what if I just do this?
Creed: You don't want to do that.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.