Pam: Psst, Cyril rub one out.
Cyril: I do NOT want to masturbate
Pam: Not even after that (referencing Ray and Lana wrestling)

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Nothing is over! Nothing! You don't just turn it off!

Officer: The First Lady and I are having an affair.
Cyril: Damn, dog! That was my B.

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Lana: You think I'm Ally Sheedy?!
Cyril: Ally Sheedy would have been WAY more likely to get pregnant in High School.

Cyril: Archer! Alligators or your mother?
Archer: What's the difference? They're both cold-blooded, prehistoric monsters

Archer: Whatever happened to "Team Archer?"
Cyril: Please tell me that was never a real thing to you

Cyril: Well, you did set the raft on fire.
Ray: Oh my God, you always take his side!
Cyril: I never, ever, EVER take his side!

Cyril: If you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your eyes till you are blind.
Ray: Goddamn, Shawshank!

Archer Quotes

KGB (Crenshaw): This may be old cliche, but... we have ways of making you talk.
Archer: What, your little go-kart battery?
KGB (Crenshaw): Golf cart.
Archer: Whatever. Would you pick an accent and stick with it?

It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.

Archer