Damien: I've played by the rules my whole life and what has it gotten me?
Rachel: A six figure salary and a partnership at a major law firm.

I literally killed my only chance at becoming a judge.

Jared: The one I like is when Infeld stole his prom date.
Damien: And I never saw it coming.

Cellmate: You ever buy meth from Ricky?
Damien: No, I prefer to cook my own. I'm kind of a health nut.

Every bee deserves its day.

Rachel: What do you know about honey bees?
Damien: What don't I know about honey bees.

Damien: What are you like secret royalty?
Rachel: Yeah, I'm Princess Khaleesi from the House Targaryon.

Rachel: People fear what they don't understand. Around the office, they call him the devil.
Damien: It's because my first name is Damien.

The last time you guys bet her you ended up nude on TV.

It's the mop who wiped the floor with your naked asses last week.

To be clear I was only stabbing you in the back because there was no more room in the front.

Damien: Is it true you lost your bar card?
Peter: Is it true that your mom's on my speed dial?

Franklin & Bash Quotes

See that's a talent, sounding like a total asshole even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.

Franklin

"Sorry, sorry. Jean Claude Van Damme marathon last night. Unavoidable.

Franklin