Serena, don't take this the wrong way, but you sound like a jackass we know.

(as Serena covers his eyes and kisses him) Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Dan: I can't concentrate.
Jenny: The sound of your own voice annoying you?

Rufus: Hey, whenever you are done with that "I'd do things differently" look, two things. One, I can't seem to nail Jenny down on what she wants to do for actual birthday.
Dan: I'll get it out of her.
Rufus: Good and two, what the hell are you still doing here?
Dan: (looks at the clock) Thank you!

Jenny: Well, I've never seen you give up so easily.
Dan: Can you not start with me?
Jenny: Can you not give me something to start with? Why are you taking his advice? He's old and alone.
Dan: What?
Jenny: Tell Serena again. Without the pregnancy scare in a quiet, without a distraction kind of way. But, then again, what do I know about romance or anything else?
Dan: No, no. Actually, Jen, that's a very good idea.
Jenny: What would you do without me?
Dan: Promise me I will find out one day?
Jenny: Uh-huh.

Serena: I never thought I was pregnant. The test was for Blair.
Dan: Yeah? But she just got back together with Nate.
(awkward pause)
Dan: Oh... then who?
Serena: Chuck.
Dan: Chuck? And Blair? Blair and Chuck? Then why isn't he the one buying the test?
Serena: Because...
Dan: Because he's an ass.
Serena: Who doesn't know.
Dan: Why not? I mean, there's no love lost between me and Chuck Bass, but he deserves to know.

Dan: Well, let's try this. Why don't you tell me what's on your mind. Then it can be on our minds. And our minds can worry about what's on your mind... together.
Serena: I have no idea what you just said.

Well, if you wanted to get the perfect shot of me feeling like an outsider, I'm ready for my close-up.

Chuck: Poor little Humphrey Dumpty. Look, let me clarify something for you. Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds. In my world, if I'm suspended or expelled, a wing is donated in the Bass name.
Dan: That sounds like quite a world.
Chuck: It's not perfect, I'll admit.

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