Blair: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your stepdads.
Serena: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
Dan: No, or who satisfied her.
Serena: That's just...
Dan, Jenny, Eric, and Serena: Gross!

Dan: Clever. What was so bad about her? I mean, aside from the superior fluttering eyelids and punishing sarcasm.
Alison: Well, uh, she was your dad's first great love. And she liked to remind me every chance she got. Kinda hard to compete with that.

Dan: So you threatened Lily van der Woodsen with physical violence? Mom, you are a bad-ass.
Alison: Yeah, well, what can I say? I was younger, then...and wearing steeled toed boots.

Alison: A thing for blonds? You are you're father's son.
Dan: Not just any blond. Apparently, I like the ones who get drunk on Thanksgiving and almost die.
Alison: Well, you're dad liked them dangerous and troubled, too. So?
Dan: You were dangerous?
Alison: Who said I was talking about me?

Serena: No, my mom is sick because she doesn't want to be imposing.
Lily: You know what? I'm fine just curling up and reading a good book.
Eric: You're supposed to be with your family on Thanksgiving.
Dan: And Nicholas Sparks is hardly family. I'm not taking no for an answer. In fact, I'm not even asking. You're coming with us. I'm adult-napping you.
Lily: Fine, just, stop talking. And I'll get ready.
Dan: Make it snappy, I'm double parked. Thanks!

Serena: You couldn't make it past the salad, huh?
Dan: I opened the cranberries. My work is done. How's Blair's?
Serena: Uh, I wouldn't know. She gave me the boot.
Dan: What? She kicked you out of her house? What happened, now?
Serena: Uh, don't ask. But, the good news is my mom is going to slice us up a pumpkin. Oh, and there's a duck!

[about Rufus and Lily] I think it is fairly safe to assume that they have had sex.

Vanessa: I know nothing. But, if you guys did this thing that I know nothing about, then I would totally support that.
Dan: Thanks, Vanessa. Good to know in the event that that should happen.
Vanessa: Oh, you mean it didn't happen?
Dan: Meaning I don't even know what we're talking about, right now.
Serena: I know I'm lost.
Vanessa: And I should get lost.

Vanessa: Vanessa, hi! It's nice to see you.
Serena: This time you're seeing less of me.
Vanessa: Sorry about walking in when you were, you know...
Serena: Yeah.
Vanessa: You guys are up early. What did you do last night? Oh, my God. I totally didn't mean to pry.
Dan: You're not prying.
Serena: Why would you think you're prying?
Dan and Vanessa: No reason.
Serena: Did you tell her?
Dan: What? No. What's to tell?

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