I know that this isn't a symbol for the crossroads of ideas. I now know it's a butt.

I didn't think more than one person would answer the ad. Yes, dream coming true!

Dean Pelton: Word of advice: If an Asian man says he's a Spanish teacher, it's not racist to ask for proof.

Dean: Do you know who might have stolen a box of hair nets from the kitchen?
Abed: Someone with hair.
Dean: I'm gonna write that down.

Just reminding you to keep any April Fool's pranks physically safe, politically balanced and racially accessible.

Happy last day before winter break. Time to visit our loved ones. Some of you will travel as far as 3 miles! Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland in the quad where were giving away up to six semester of free classes. Wow, what's that sound? Is that the tip tapping of secular boots on on the roof? That must be another sign that it 'tis the season because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge.

Dean [about the Environdale Posters]: We need to redo these.
Asst: We printed five thousand.
Dean: Well print five thousand more. I'm trying to save a planet here!

Dean: I'm here to kick off the first day of a new tradition at our school called Green Week
Pierce: What? First we get a month of black history, now we're blowing seven days on the Irish.

Greendale needs a win. The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.

Dean: What's it gonna take? A plum park space, free meals, a night of companionship, if you know what I mean?
Jeff: I'll do it for the parking space and if you promise not to tell mean what you mean

Dean Pelton: Well look at this group having some of meeting and being so diverse. There is just, boy! There is just one of every kind of you, isn't there?
Pierce: Well, we are missing a pipsqueak, but we don't want one, so beat it!
Britta: Ah, Pierce, that's the dean

Community Quotes

Jeff: Everyone on this campus is nuts
Leonard [in pool]: Not me!
Jeff: Oh come on Leonard, if you're going to argue with me, put on a bathing suit
Leonard: Busted

I've loved you since there was only one Soviet Union and one Damon Wayans.

Andre