Frank: Hey gang, what's the action?
Dennis: What's going on here?
Frank: Asians love gambling!
Sweet Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Yeah, from Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam ten years ago on a business trip.

Dee: You know these guys?
Frank: Ya, from 'Nam.
Mac: You were in Vietnam?
Dennis: Don't get excited Mac, he was in Vietnam 10 years ago on business trip.
Frank: Beautiful country.

Frank: All right, here's what you're going to do. You're going to take all the weight on your neck. Then you're going to jam your legs down and hyper-extend your ankles, and then shoot back up and lock your knees in place.
Dee: Not one of those things sounds right to me. At all.

Are you happy now?! I just punched a hole in my wall!

Frank: You're not ready for this fight, you're not...
Dee: Oh, I have an idea, dad! Why don't you shut your fat little monkey face, and hold the bag?!

Brianna: You look like a Holocaust victim in pageant makeup.
Sweet Dee: I will eat your babies, bitch!
Frank: Nobody's eating anybody's babies.
Sweet Dee: Come on, let me eat her babies.

Dee: I am not having sex with you, Charlie.
Charlie: No, it's not sex I want from you. It's sex I don't want from Dennis!

Mac: You guys can't get welfare.
Dee: Uh, yeah, we can.
Mac: No, you can't. They don't give it to any jackass that walks in here. It's reserved for people who need it, okay?
Charlie: That's true...
Mac: Drug addicts. Mentally disabled. People with dependents, that sort of thing...

Drug Dealer: What you need?
Dennis: Uh, one, please.
Drug Dealer: One what?
Dennis: Uh... one rock of crack.
Dee: One crack...
Dennis: A crack rock. Is that enough? Is one crack rock enough? I don't...
Dee: Uh... how much would you recommend for a first-time user?

Frank: Charlie, you've got a lot of balls, stealing my money. This shows leadership, I am promoting you to management.
Charlie: That's why I did it.
Mac: That's why I did it too, Frank! I stole lots of your money, what do I get?
Frank: You get dick, because you are a follower and a thief.
Sweet Dee: How come Charlie...? It's not fair...
Dennis: Why would you do this to us, dad?
Frank: Because you're crackheads, children.

Dee: I haven't seen you for a month and I'm standing here in a neck brace. You gonna ask how I'm doing or what happened or...?
Barbara: I assume you did something stupid.

Dennis: Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?
Sweet Dee: Same thing you're doing. I'm not letting dad give all this shit to poor people.
Dennis: Alright, hey I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and I'm taking the fish tank.
Sweet Dee: How come you get to pick and choose?
Dennis: It's not that I get to pick and choose, it's that I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. You're a woman, you're weak and... you can't.
Sweet Dee: You're a woman and you're weak.
Dennis: That doesn't make any sense.
Sweet Dee: You don't make any sense