Dennis: I think all these chicks are gay.
Dee: Yeah, I don't know that they're gay; I think they can just smell how disgusting you are.

Dennis: So do you come to these kind of things often, or?
Pro-Choice Woman: Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally?

Dennis: Our mortgage is due in two weeks.
Mac: No, we paid that, like, a week ago.
Dennis: No. A week ago was three weeks late.

I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.

Dennis: It's because of those bison fingers.
Dee: I do not have bison fingers!
Frank: Yeah you do. Your mother had to have a c-section because of those hands.

Dee: Who slams a door?
Frank: Babies.
Dennis: That guy has some real growing up to do. Have some repect for Christ's sake... I am legend.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.