If you say another word, I swear to god I will slice you into a million little pieces, and put those pieces in a box, a glass box, that I will display on my mantle.

Dee I swear you would be more use to be if I skinned you and turned you into a lampshade.

What is that? ‘A Street Car Named Desire?’

You haven’t thought of the smell, you BITCH!

What! I’m not paying more taxes Dee! Don’t speak of it again!

You cannot sort out a man who kills and eats other human beings.

I will rate every single women in this restaurant!

You can't even spell.

Of course there were other guys - I don’t like the way you asked that question. Switch with her!

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Uh, well, don't talk about the system.

Dennis: I could find you oddly sexy.
Date: Excuse me?
Dennis: That was supposed to be, uh, a compliment.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie