If you say another word, I swear to god I will slice you into a million little pieces, and put those pieces in a box, a glass box, that I will display on my mantle.

Dee I swear you would be more use to be if I skinned you and turned you into a lampshade.

What is that? ‘A Street Car Named Desire?’

You haven’t thought of the smell, you BITCH!

What! I’m not paying more taxes Dee! Don’t speak of it again!

You cannot sort out a man who kills and eats other human beings.

I will rate every single women in this restaurant!

You can't even spell.

Of course there were other guys - I don’t like the way you asked that question. Switch with her!

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Uh, well, don't talk about the system.

Dennis: I could find you oddly sexy.
Date: Excuse me?
Dennis: That was supposed to be, uh, a compliment.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Principal: I'm a little confused, are you telling me this photo of Bruce Jenner is your resume?
Charlie: Well, when I showed up this morning I didn't have a formal resume on me so i was sort of hoping the photograph of Mr. Jenner could represent the standard of excellence I'm hoping to bring to his position.
Principal: And you're looking for a job as a substitute teacher?
Charlie: Substitute janitor.

Frank: When it's white people, it's surviving. When it's black people, it's looting.
Dee: No Frank. It's because the white people are stealing bread and the black people are stealing speakers.