I'm going to wait right here and wait for my minions to swarm me.

I don't want to talk to old men who are pretending to be women and ex-wives.

Dennis: A dead tooth.
Maureen: With a diamond in it.
Dennis: Put a diamond in anything that's dead and it's still dead.

Do not talk to me for the rest of the night and know that I won't be talking to you because you lower my stock.

Brad Fisher: It's not acne. It's hornet scars.
Dennis: I don't think I have any products that take care of hornet scars.

Dee: Baby got back.
Dennis: Sir Mix-A-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorders.

Propel me back into the mid-'90s when Dennis Reynolds was a golden god.

We don't know who you're talking about. I don't understand this tour.

Chinese tourist [referring to Frank]

The helmet is sweet as shit. It's very Thunder Gun.

Dude hangs dong.

Cop

Thunder Gun leaves no man behind!

I wanna see Charlie do his thing and he's good.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

I was a five star man before the internet and I’m a five star man now. I just gotta shed the dead weight. God damn it!

Dennis

Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?

Mac