Oh! Shit! Maureen!... That was terrible. Who did those tits!? The nipple placement is crazy.

Dennis: (upon seeing Maureen's 'enhacements') Why, Maureen, you've enhanced yourself.
Maureen: Well, yeah, I got my tooth fixed.
Dennis: I'm talking about your tits! Your giant, new titties, Maureen!

Frank: (*after a bat bites him*) I just got tagged by a bat! I got tagged! Suck out the poison, Dee! I'll give you $200 if you suck it out.
(*Dee sucks on Frank's head*)
Frank: Suck it harder!
Mac: Did you swallow it?!
Dee: Yeah, I swallowed it.
Mac: Make yourself throw up!
Charlie: You swallowed the poison!
Dennis: Bats don't have poison!

Dennis: Wait, Liam - you're marrying Maureen?
Liam: Oh yeah, big time. Don't be jelly.
Dennis: Why are you doing this? What's your angle?
Liam: Oldest angle in the book, my friend... (*grunts*) Llllove.

Mac, you have an exceptional number of bugs in your teeth. You're gonna want to rinse those out. It's disgusting.

Dee [re: the lawyer]: Wow, what an asshole.
Dennis: You are killing a man, you know that, right?
Doctor: There's a lot of mercy in this decision. I commend it.
Dennis: Technically, we gave the order to him to give to you.
Dee: Yeah, if you feel like commending, if you're in the mood for commending...
Dennis: If you're going to throw some commendations around...

Well that was weird.

Adriano

Dennis: It's a goddamn dance routine.
Charlie: And it's gonna rock.

Ronald McDonald slept with your prom date.

Tim Murphy [to Dennis]

We're not afraid, we're in our '30s. We don't fight people anymore. It's kinda pathetic.

Adriano

I have to have my tools!

I am the king of the mountain top!

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie