She changed, I changed, maybe now we can get back together.

You're amazing. For the life of me, I can't remember why I ever let you go.

I woke up one morning surrounded by white people I was supposed to bond with. Like that.

Debbie: Remember that time we played mini golf everyday?
Dixon: Yeah. I was 10.

Annie: Your girlfriend faked a miscarriage. Sounds like a real winner.
Dixon: Go to Hell.

Dixon: I wish I got alerts that let me know when crazy girls were approaching.
Teddy: I bet they have an app for that.
Dixon: And I bet it beats non-stop.

Harry: I know you're upset with your mom.
Dixon: Whatever. It's not like she's my real mom.

Debbie: I didn't want you to get your heart broken and not trust women.
Dixon: Now I know one woman I can't trust.

Navid: I'm a tater tot man myself.
Dixon: Dude, you can't say "tater tot" and "man" in the same sentence.

I'm supposed to go on with my life like nothing happened?

Dixon: You a farmer? Your Halloween costume?
Liam: I'm not wearing a costume.

Dixon: This whole relationship can't take place in your apartment.
Sasha: I would go to your place, but you live with your parents. And I'm not sneaking in your apartment, Kate Homes-style.


It's not a mom and dad who are home eating bon bons. It's a couple who's f%$k!

Rob Estes

I am not the kind of girl who can wait until Christmas morning to unwrap her present.