Mendelson [regarding House's special attention to his cellmate]: Why you keep helping him out?
House: Yeah, why would I want to make sure that my homicidal cellmate is taking the right anti-psychotics?

You wanna know how I feel? I feel hurt.

Cuddy: I haven't dated anyone since you.
House: You know what they say, once you go gimp...

Dying can also do a number on your ability to think.

Wilson: You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
House: No. Because what you just said implied I stopped.

You took an oath. An oath to be cool. At least that was the oath I uttered under my breath while everyone else was doing the boring one.

Foreman: How many of those have you had today?
House: I don't know. Is your "mother" a number?

Cuddy: I don't get it.
House: You masturbate to Owen Wilson.
Cuddy: I meant the box.

House: Doctor says it's okay as long as I don't leave my hospital bed.
Taub: Which doctor was that, Seuss or Jay?

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