Dr. Park: Why am I watching you cut your hair?
House: New life, new look.

[after his ankle monitor went off] I thought the bracelet was decorative. My aunt had one just like it. Wait a minute...

Prison! Sorry, I thought I heard everyone thinking it.

I specifically requested my wake-up-startle 3 hours from now.

I'm trying to listen to your lungs, not your self-pity.

Belief implies a level of giving a crap I am never going to achieve.

Me and humanity--we got together too young.

You think one of Santa's reindeer was called 'Stomper'?

That look of shock is elitist and offensive. Doctors can be degenerates too. This is America.

House [to Dr. Adams]

Mendelson [regarding House's special attention to his cellmate]: Why you keep helping him out?
House: Yeah, why would I want to make sure that my homicidal cellmate is taking the right anti-psychotics?

You wanna know how I feel? I feel hurt.

Cuddy: I haven't dated anyone since you.
House: You know what they say, once you go gimp...

House Quotes

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House

You're an ass!

Dr. Adams