Dying can also do a number on your ability to think.

Wilson: You're forging my name on prescriptions again.
House: No. Because what you just said implied I stopped.

You took an oath. An oath to be cool. At least that was the oath I uttered under my breath while everyone else was doing the boring one.

Foreman: How many of those have you had today?
House: I don't know. Is your "mother" a number?

Cuddy: I don't get it.
House: You masturbate to Owen Wilson.
Cuddy: I meant the box.

House: Doctor says it's okay as long as I don't leave my hospital bed.
Taub: Which doctor was that, Seuss or Jay?

House: There are no cars coming. Just go.
Rachel: The light is red, ye bloody scallywag.
Dr. Cuddy: Stop with the pirate talk.
House: If you don't want Brownbeard to end up with two wooden legs, better get your ma to move this ship, you mangy bilge rat.
Dr. Cuddy: Of course... you showed her that filthy cartoon. What kind of idiot lets a three-year-old watch that?
House: If you want to lecture me on my poor judgment, there seems to be more relevant examples.

His life is gonna unravel. In fairness, that applies to any diagnosis. Oh, why do we do this?

You know I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex but where I still have to deal with your mother.

House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Thirteen: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
House: It's like there's two of me.

Oh, I'm starting to get the connection. Yeah, she has a house. My name is House.

That was totally courageous of Khloe to tweet about her weight gain.

House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House