Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkFavorite Dr. Venture Quotes
Dean! Have you been shooting dope into your scrotum?!? You can tell me - I'm hip!
What happened? Did I just kill Premature Ejaculation?
Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.
Dean, I'm going to turn around now and you better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me. Because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!
Mr. Brisby [about his panda]: Oh that, that's just Lili, enjoying her lunch.
Dr. Venture: Lili?
Mr. Brisby: Yes, my long time companda. I won her from David Bowie in a trivia contest. This was 1980, 1981 perhaps. Years before the big trivia craze. But then, Bowie always was a trend-setter
Dr. Venture [about Orpheus' cat]: Oh, she's an affectionate little one.
Dr. Orpheus: Oh my apologies, she's in heat.
Dr. Venture: I heard if you take a q-tip and moisten it with warm water...
Dr. Orpheus: Ohhhh! I tried that once, it was horrible. I couldn't look at her for a week. She was just a walking reminder of our common shame.
Dr. Venture: Oh dear God, that's not your wife in some like, magical animal form
So you see, by applying the basic principles of the scientific method to the matter, we learn very quickly that the myth of the chupacabra is just that - utter crap. Now, if you apply the same principles to Catholicism, an interesting thing occurs...
Dr. Venture: Hmm, how you fit a stairway behind this bookcase, I'll never figure out. Heey, if I pull this candle down, will it...?
Dr. Orpheus: ...get wax on my carpet? Yes
Dr. Orpheus: What the hell is this thing made of?
Dr. Venture: Nothing.
Dr. Orpheus: Come on...
Dr. Venture: All right, fine, I might have used a few unorthodox parts.
Dr. Orpheus: Just tell me one...
Dr. Venture: An...orphan.
Dr. Orpheus: A what?
Dr. Venture: An orphan?
Dr. Orpheus: Did you say, "an orphan?!"
Dr. Venture: Yeah, a little...orphan boy.
Dr. Orpheus: It's powered by a forsaken child?!?
Dr. Venture: Might be, kind of. I didn't use the whole thing!
Dr. Venture: Well, that ought to take care of that . . .
Hank: Look! Brock still ain't done with him. [Brock pisses on the mummy] That's showing him who's boss, Brocko!
Dr. Venture: Was that really necessary?
Brock: You have to defile a mummy completely or they come back to life. You know that
Ah! You're getting face all over me! Hot melting face!
Brock: That's a tight fit.
Baldavitch: It's like they were made for each other!
Dr. Venture: Yes, because they were, because they were both made by the same guy. Now can we finish this up, please?
