Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkDr. Venture Quotes
Dr. Venture: And here we are. Alone. What would the neighbors think?
Dr. Girlfriend: The neighbors are AuntiMatter, who's a spinster who shape shifts, and Flying Squid, he's pretty self-explanatory. So I don't think they'd find this weird.
Dr. Venture: I have a magic guy living in my house. And my former arch enemy is now my bodyguard.
Dr. Girlfriend: So, looks like what we made it. Exactly what my parents wanted for me. Guaranteed.
Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.
Hank: How come Baby Einstein gets his own lab and I'm stuck pushing boxes around? When do I get to train for my future career?
Dr. Venture: Who says you aen't right now?
Sgt. Hatred: I don't wanna tell ya how to do your daddy duty or nothing, but don'tcha think maybe you're being just a little hard on the old Hankinator?
Dr. Venture: Hankinator? You're sleeping with him, aren't you?
Sgt. Hatred: It's a fresh new twist on a classic decoy tactic. We place 'em in key locations around the compound, and the next time your Monarch or your Baron Whats-His-Bheit comes a-knockin', he gets spanked in the face with five feet seven inches of screamin' hot stop it!
Dr. Venture: I'm five ten.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, maybe with them fancy elevator Beetle boots of yours
Dean: I have been practicing my career in science, look at these
Dr. Venture: Shrinky Dinks don't count, Dean, I'm not even gonna ask why you sleep with those things
Dean: Because I can't find Mr. Reach
Dean: You're the...
Dr. Venture: Dean, we need to talk.
Dean: There is no Hair Fairy, is there?
Dr. Venture: Not even close
The Monarch: Time to pay the piper, Venture, for admitted to my mega pillar silky issue will destroy the only living proof you've had sex, unless you give me ten million dollars
Dr. Venture: Since when did you start arching for money?
ER Doctor: The tumor was benign. It's just that... well. [clears throat] We cannot find it.
Dr. Venture: What do you mean you "can't find it?"
ER Doctor: Well we took it out and, I don't know. When I finished sewing you up I turned around and it was... just gone.
Dr. Venture: Gone. Well. I want a second opinion. Oh wait, I'm a doctor! I can give myself one! You suck, and I'm leaving
Jonas Venture, Jr.: Hello, Rusty.
Fetus Rusty: Daddy? What are you doing in mommy's womb?
Jonas Venture, Jr.: I came to tell you son...(spooky voice)...there is another Venture.
Fetus Rusty: Why're you talking like Yoda?
Jonas Venture, Jr.: This is your dream, Rusty - you tell me
Dr. Venture: You jury-rigged my body, that's why I have all these blackouts. I thought it was the pills.
Jonas: Your body's a mess! It's become absolutely uninhabitable.
Dr. Venture: Yeah, well I don't remember asking you to live in me! Wait a minute. You're why I've been having all these fucked up dreams. You're probably why I lost my hair too, aren't you! You stole my hair!
If I knew you could just call the cops on him, I would've done it years ago! Because I'm no sissy, no sir, I would just pick up that phone and, "Officer? There's a man in a butterfly suit shooting my robot with a laser beam."
