The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 32)

Dwight: Come on, coward! Where are you? Where... [spots a note attached to the bushes; goes to read it] "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly..."
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out!
Angela: [watching from the conference room] I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
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Andy: I will fight you.
Jim: Nope.
Dwight: Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
Andy: Fine!
Dwight: Fine!
Oscar: This is nuts.
Dwight: What is your weapon?
Jim: Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
Dwight: Hey, this is none of your business.
Jim: Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
Andy: Guess what? Not happening at work.
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: We're gonna do it outside.
Dwight: Outside of work.
Andy: None of your business.
Dwight: None of your business then. [they high five] Good. So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.
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Andy: I'm telling you to back down.
Dwight: And I'm telling you that I will never back down.
Andy: Then I'll make you.
Dwight: Oh really? How are you gonna do that?
Andy: Through the use of force.
Dwight: That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest.
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Andy: Dwight.
Dwight: Andy.
Andy: It's over.
Dwight: Oh good. She broke up with you.
Andy: No. It's over between you two.
Dwight: Uh, no way. I am not giving up.
Andy: You have to.
Dwight: No I don't.
Andy: She doesn't love you. She's marrying me.
Dwight: Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me.
Andy: Angela Bernard.
Dwight: Will never be her name.
Andy: It will be her name. And you will have to call her that!
Dwight: I don't think so.
 • Rating: Unrated

David: So listen, Michael, your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. Out-performing last year, in fact. Um, and I don't know exactly how to put this, but... what are you doing right?
Michael: Right what?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
Dwight: Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
Michael: When will she be ready?
Dwight: I don't know.
Michael: Is she crazy in bed?
Dwight: [boastfully] Yes.
Jim: Stop. What?
Michael: How so, specifically?
Jim: Okay, listen.
Dwight: Eager.
Jim: This shouldn't happen at work.
Dwight: And flexible.
Jim: And!
Michael: Really?
Jim: This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.
Michael: It's too late.
Jim: Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.
Michael: I am already walking.
Dwight: Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down.
Michael: Okay, what does that mean?
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Angela: What is it?
Dwight: You've got to tell Andy about us.
Angela: That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
Dwight: Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore.
Angela: You're expanding on your worst idea.
Dwight: Do you love me or not?
Angela: I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?
Dwight: Because you're engaged to Andy.
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Dwight: Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. [sings] Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim: We can't figure that out.
Michael: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight: Wait, what? You can't take what?
Michael: I am telling Andy.
Dwight: No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael: Who should it come from, then?
Everyone: [simultaneously] Angela.
 • Rating: Unrated

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