The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 34)

Dwight: This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such.
Andy: Hmm... mm, what's that smell?
Dwight: You're gonna need to be more specific.
Angela: Manure. Get rid of it.
Dwight: Manure covers up the smell of the slaughterhouse.
Angela: Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
Dwight: You wanna eat, don't you?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Angela: My biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom.
Dwight: We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine.
Angela: Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench.
Dwight: Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on.
Andy: Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms...
Dwight: Yeah, do tell.
Andy: I mean, like, "156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left."
Dwight: Mmhmm.
Andy: "Walk until you hear the beehive."
Dwight: How could it be more clear?
Angela: I think Andy makes an excellent point.
Dwight: Okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: [on cell phone] Yes, I repeat a drug dealer is on the premisis of Dunder Mifflin. His name is Toby Flenderson and he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. See you soon.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Toby can I see those? Ooh. [takes photos, throws them on the floor] What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared?
Dwight: Those are fighting words.
Michael: You mad? You mad at me?
Dwight: I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you.
Michael: Do you want to do that? You want to hit me, you want to punch me?
Dwight: Hmmm?
Michael: Huh? He might do it...
Kelly: Punch him, Toby!
Michael: I dare you to. Come on.
Dwight: Come on!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Hit him! Hit him, Chicken.
Ryan: Yeah, punch him.
Michael: Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
Dwight: Ryan. Come on, man?
Michael: No do it, do it. I dare you.
Dwight: Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face.
Michael: Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
Toby: I'm not going to punch you, Michael.
Dwight: Are you really not going to punch him?
Toby: No, why would I punch you?
Michael: Son of a bitch.
Ryan: You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What are you doing?
Dwight: I am the bait.
Michael: For what?
Dwight: Men find me desirable.
Michael: No, no, no.
Dwight: Oh, it's a good day too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.
Michael: You're the bait for Toby?
Dwight: Mmm hmm.
Michael: No, for one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait it would be Jim. Or Ryan. Or me.
Dwight: Men find me desirable.
Michael: Yes, sure they do, Dwight.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Okay, just summarize.
Dwight: Okay, fireable offenses include: workplace violence and sexual harassment.
Michael: That's it, that's it, perfect. We will get him to hit on somebody, and then we will catch him in the act.
Dwight: I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors.
Michael: Mmm. Me too. Okay, let's get this started.
 • Rating: Unrated

David: Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire a week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
Michael: I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved.
Dwight: Also, it's icky back there.
Michael: That's true. People say it's icky.
David: Okay, I have to go.
 • Rating: Unrated

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