The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 37)

Toby: Hey, Stanley...
Stanley: Hmm?
Toby: I want to introduce you to...
Michael: [watching from office] Toby's replacement. Ugh. Wow.
Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she... stinks... with her... ways... and her... head.
Michael: You know, Dwight, sometimes... I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: So what do we know about her?
Michael: Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So strike one, I hate her already.
Dwight: I hate her, too.
Michael: Why do you hate her?
Dwight: Because she... stinks. With her... ways. And her... head.
Michael: You know Dwight, sometimes... I dunno, I think you say things just to agree with me.
Dwight: Would that be such a bad thing?
Michael: Yeah, it would! Just have a thought! Have an original thought! Although I will agree that her head is weird.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Andy and Angela seem very happy... I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
Dwight: I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
Michael: Shh, just stop. Here's what you do. You tell him that you're his friend and that you're gonna help him and that everyone's gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who's selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who's really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
Dwight: Yeah!
Andy: Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.
Angela: I'm right here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Jim: Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Ryan: It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Jim: And then an older gentleman asked you "Boxers or briefs?"
Creed: I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site.
Kelly: If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: You know what you need? Closure.
Michael: You're right. What do you mean though?
Dwight: There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
Michael: Hmm.
Dwight: Come on. I'll drive.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: That is a $200 plasma TV you just killed! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe! [Jan runs upstairs crying]
Woman: I'm gonna get going.
Dwight: Fine. Get outta here.
Jim: It's getting late.
Michael: You know what guys? She'll be out of the bathroom real soon.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Michael, what time should I be arriving?
Michael: Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.
Andy: Hey-o!
 • Rating: Unrated

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