The Office

Dwight Schrute Quotes (Page 38)

Karen: Let me ask you. Did you accomplish what you wanted?
Dwight: Listen, lady. You can expect these kinds of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.
Karen: I'm taking Stanley.
Dwight: Then we will burn Utica to the ground.
Michael: Dwight! Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head... We will burn Utica to the ground.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores. It doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim: Oh, it has losers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
Dwight: [crying]
Jim: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy... and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care - they're your oats.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here on Schrute Farms. So as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we can have power back on.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Michael: You ready to give me my discount now?
Pizza guy: No.
Michael: Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time?
Pizza guy: What kind of business is this?
Dwight: We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.
Michael: Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man.
Pizza guy: You better think about what you're doing.
Michael: No! I'm an adult, I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he's better than everyone else, because he's some hot shot, and you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay?
Pizza guy: Sales?
Michael: Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that's called sales.
Pizza guy: You're such a loser.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?
Dwight: I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.
Andy: Isn't that part of the fun?
Dwight: No. I think you should date Kelly.
Andy: She works here too, how is that any different?
Dwight: Uh, she works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: What do you think of Angela?
Dwight: I think she's efficient.
Andy: No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
Dwight: I hadn't noticed.
Andy: You hadn't noticed she's a woman?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Four! Three! Two! One!
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: Woo!
Dwight: Woo!
Andy: After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it's path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams.
Dwight: Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again.
Andy: Fifty-two reams!
Dwight: No no no the first part.
Andy: Dwight has defeated the computer.
Dwight: Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you.
Angela: I didn't ask you to do it for me.
Dwight: You didn't have to.
 • Rating: Unrated

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